■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : It is better to do one project at a time than to do many projects at once.
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It is better to do one project at a time than to do many projects at once.
Some people think that doing several projects at once is better than doing one projects. However, I have a different idea (i have different idea라고 하시는 것 보다는 나의 의견은 이렇다 라고 서술하시는 것이 좋습니다). First of all, doing one projects is more successful. Secondly, they people (앞에 특정한 명사가 제시되어 있지 않기 때문에 people이라고 하시는 것이 더 좋습니다) can finish work in short time.
To begin with, people can produce successful results when they do one projects. Since there is (동사가 나와있지 않습니다) a small amount of the work required to complete the work, they can concentrate on their work easier, but also and could increase the quality of the projects by concerning detailed aspects. For example, the last semester when I had too many assignments to handle at once, I made a plan to organize and classify classified work according to the importance how important subjects were. When I followed this schedule, I could devote to crucial information without distraction also easy to correct an error by concentrate on each work thoroughly (이 부분은 앞에서 나와 있기 때문에 굳이 필요하지 않은 거 같습니다). Hence, I could increase the quality of the work with detailed efforts also got by getting a scholarship after projects were over. However, when I did a lot of task at once, I could not focus on detailed information and it will produce the lower quality reduced the quality of the projects.
On top of that, doing one work at once can allow people to reduce waste wasted time. When they do different tasks at once, they have to concern various factor simultaneously. Hence, they can be distracted easily and it would produce unnecessary efforts. For instance, when people had have a lot of assignments, they often hesitated hesitate to focus on important information so they would produce many mistakes than usual. This required require them to spend additional time to check and correct them, they may not finish work perfectly. However, when they devote to one work at once, they can find a crucial point of the project easily so they do not need to waste a time. It will allow them to spend a time efficiently. 이번 예시에서는 굳이 과거형으로 안 서술 했어도 됬습니다. 예시 자체가 일반적인 현상을 설명하기 때문에 과거형 보다는 현재형으로 서술하시는 것이 나을 거 같습니다.
To sum up, the people who work one project at once can make a higher performance and increase time-efficiency.
I agree with the focus on one work is greater than do several works at once.
Fair: 17~23
점수: 23
전체적으로 에세이가 짧다라고 생각듭니다. 특히 두 번째 부분에서 많이 느껴집니다. 간결하고 짧은 에세이는 에세이 설득력을 높일 때는 중요하나 지금 같은 에세이에서는 좀 더 살을 붙여서 본인의 의견을 좀 더 구체적으로 설명 할 수 있는 것이 좋을 거 같습니다. 또한 문법적 오류들이 있습니다. 제가 참석한 윗 부분을 보고 참고하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.