▶ Your Answer :
Some people feel satisfied with the
abundance of accessible information these days. However, in my aspect,
there are too many sources of information and news to find reliable ones
for two reasons. First of all, there are so many fake sources
containing false information that they hide credible ones. Also, managing
and getting rid of unreliable sources became incredibly difficult since there
are too much of them.
To begin with, there are too many
fake sources making people hard to find true sources with true and
reliable information. As people have easier access to formation and
modification of information these days, people give inaccurate and
unreliable information to others without any protection. The problem is
that people who get this kind of information cannot easily identify
whether they are truthful or not. I would like to give an example of myself to
elucidate my points. When I was a high school student, I was assigned a report
about French Revolution in one of the history classes. In order to collect
enough information to be written in the report, I found some information
through the Internet and books. When I tried to find appropriate materials on
the Internet, there were too many sources to refer to and I had to pick just
some of them to use. When I read books to find some additional information, I
was surprised to find out some of the information found on the Internet was
totally wrong. After comparing information from the Internet with
some other books, I could know that three among the five sources were was fake sources with wrong and
baseless information. This example demonstrates that there are too many
fake sources these days hindering people from getting right information.
On top of that, watchdogs which find
out unreliable sources and getting rid of them became powerless since too
many sources to be monitored have been made. In the past, most of the
sources for information were monitored by either governmental agencies or people using them. However, these days information sources
are increasing steeply in their numbers and getting out of control. There
was a poll conducted by Korean Statistics Office with 500 people to find
out the consensus view -of people whether they think management and supervision on
unreliable sources are appropriately done. An overwhelming 89% of people
responded that they do not think so as there are too much to be monitored
while there are not enough workforce to be put to manage them.
To sum up, there are lots of fake sources and they hinder
people from proper management of sources. In this regard, I firmly
believe that too much sources of information block people from finding reliable
and true sources of information.
Good (26–30)
첫번째 본문 -three of five 이므로 복수입니다. 따라서 was-->were -내용 괜찮습니다. 조금 반복적인 면이 있지만 지나치지 않고, 이유와 설명, 예시 본인의 주장에 맞게 적절하게 잘 드셨습니다.
두번째 본문 -철자 오류. people -띄어쓰기 오류. 한 칸 더 띄셨습니다. -첫본문과 비교해서 내용이 적고 길이도 짧습니다. 길이 균형을 좀더 맞춰주시면 좋습니다. -통계 자료에 의한 결과에서 본문이 끝났는데, 그에 대한 해석을 본인의 주장에 뒷받침 되도록 뒤에 추가하시면 더 설득력이 높은 글이 됩니다. -이유와 설명은 괜찮습니다. 좀더 추가적인 설명을 해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
|