Some people say that the government should not spend
its money on environmental protections.
They think economic development is more
important. On the other hands, in my opinion, I believe the government
should focus its money on environmental
protections than on economic development.
This is because it is beneficial for people's health and the
country's income.
To begin with, frankly,
this issue is like a double-edged sword. It is also true that environmental protections requires much money. However, I argue that the advantage of
focusing money on environmental protections
far outweigh the disadvantages concerning the fact that
a good Environmental environment can make people more health healthier. For example, there was a survey conducted
by the Seoul national university in 2016, with 5,000 people as respondents. The
purpose of the poll was to investigate that what is the most
important factor to people's health. An
overwhelming 90 percent of respondents say said
that protected Environment protecting the
environment is the most essential to their health. This is because
damaged environments
has had given people serious diseases like pneumonia. This proves
that Environmental protections environmental
protection is crucial to people's life. (Environmental
protections -> environmental protection입니다. Environment는 고유 명사가 아닙니다. 또한 같은 표현을 너무 반복적으로 사용하시는 습관이 있으십니다. 대명사
사용을 연습해 보세요.)
On top of that, environmental
protections can be beneficial to a
nation's economy. To be specific, a protected environment can help a
government earn extra money. Imagine that one country where which has had a beautiful landscape but
did not spend money to protect their its environment, and it was causing it to be damaged. Would it be possible that the country
earns much money by attracting tourists? The answer will be "no".
Tourists does would not want to visit there
because the great environment was damaged. The
best example of this point is Korea. Korea had has
had beautiful oceans and mountains. Many tourists visited there to see the grate
great sights and use much money. However, Korea does
did not focus its budget on environmental protections and used all money most
of its funds on economic
development. Time have has passed and the
beautiful oceans and mountains were seriously damaged. Now any tourists want
to visit Korea tourists are shying away from
visiting and the country has lost lots of
money.
To sum up, spending money on
environmental protections is important. The
reason is that it is good not only for people's health but also the
nation's income. In this regard, the government should focus its money on environmental protections than on economic development.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale |
Limited (0-16) |
Score |
10 |
Overall Comment: |
올리는데 조금 오류가 있는 것 같으니 복사 붙여넣기 해서 보시는 걸 추천 드려요. 일단 문법 오류가 매우 많습니다. 위 지적사항들을 참고해 주시길 바래요. 같은 표현을 너무 반복적으로 쓰는 습관을 고쳐주시고, 특히 고유 명사가 아닌 단어들 시작에 대문자를 사용하시는 오류도 자주 범하셨습니다. 논리도 조금 아쉬운 게, 아무리 관광객이 줄어서 손해를 봤다고 하지만, 경제적 발전에 투자를 그렇게 많이 했다면 적자가 날 것 같진 않습니다. |
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