▶ Your Answer : Opinions might be divided which choice is more valuable between environmental protections and economic development. People from different walks of life may take different stances on this contentious issue. Personally, I prefer to spend more budget on for environmental protects rather than economic growth, and there are two reasons that could validate my opinion. ^ To begin with, the environmental issues should be considered as the most important factor. The fundamental reason is that it is hard to recover damaged environment. If the government has a well-designed policy, the economy could be enhanced. On the other hand, once the nature such as river, ocean, and mountain is destroyed, a policy for environmental protection might not work efficiently and promptly. For example, the forests of Amazon have been ruined at a record pace, and already 40 percent of the forests has been disappeared. Consequently, the diversity of animals are threatened. The government of Brazil realized the seriousness and has done their efforts to recover the forests. However, the efficiency of their policies is too low to keep their policies, and it is expected to take a long time for perfect recovery. ^ On top of that, environmental protection could guarantee people's health. As the industry has been developed last few decades, various toxic chemicals have been emitted from the industrial facilities. It is a well-known fact that oil and coal used as a fuel are main factors to make carbon dioxide. These harmful materials have negative effects on to people's health. Evidence for this comes from a study by Korea Energy Institute. According to one of their studies, the researchers succeeded proving that the carbon dioxide and toxic chemicals caused by petro-chemical facilities have lead to the people’s illness such as cancer. They further proved that the people who have lived near the factory tend to suffer frombe suffered by cancer compared to people who have lived in countryside far from the factory. ^ To sum up, recovering damaged environment is not easy and harmful substances from economic development have cause negative effects on to people's health. In this regard, I think that the government should spend more budget for environmental protections rather than economic development.
Good (24-30)
첫번째 본문의 내용이 조금 모호합니다. 환경을 지키는 정부에 대한 내용을 더 강조해주세요. 또한, 예시에서 브라질 정부의 무능력이 회복을 더디게 하는지, 아니면 환경 훼손 회복 자체가 더딘 과정인지 더 주장에 맞게 써주세요. 지금은 모호합니다. 두번째 본문은 내용은 잘 쓰셨습니다. 문법과 표현에 더 신경써주세요. 수고하셨습니다~
|