▶ Your Answer :
Opinions may be divided over whether school uniforms should be compulsory
for high school students. We cannot deny the fact that uniforms play an important role in a school with regard to showing standardization.
Personally, therefore, I agree that wearing a school uniform helps students to
save money and escape relative deprivation.
To begin with, students can be frugal of their money by
not wearing school uniforms. In other words, they can invest their money in
their education instead. Consequently, it will lead them to earning higher academic
performance. Everyone is aware that students cannot afford to buy assorted clothes to wear everyday and
do not have time to choose what they wear. The most significant thing is only(only위치가 to 뒤에 가느냐에 따라 의미가 달라지나요; 아니요) to focus
on their own accomplishments. I believe that it is required for students to have a
wide variety of knowledge for their success rather than showing their
creativeness of a fashion. A person with sufficient knowledge is regarded as 'a
person of intelligence' in this world, while others who lack money are simply
ignored. For example, all of schools in Korea forced students to wear school
uniforms. It is distinctive aspect of Korean education due to the fact that
most of presidents prioritized uniformity over individuality. By virtue of this
characteristic, students can readily concentrate on their educational
attainments. As a result, it is one of the reasons that academic achievements
of Korean are far more superior than any other countries.
On top of that, wearing uniforms is the best way for students not to
have comparative deprivation. Most of
students can feel relative deprivation when they watch their peer's expensive
clothes. Unintentionally, they can size up each other through their appearnace.
Imagine that if there was a poor boy. It must be so stressful for him to go
to school every day/?everyday. This is because he has to be concerned about both his appearance
and peers' 's evaluation. That is to say, in order to relieve their stress, student
must wear school uniforms. For instance, when I was in an elementary school, I
had a friend who is very poor. He used to talk with me regarding his familiy's problems related to money. At the time, he
was very worried about his clothes since he had worn only one suits. However, when we entered a middle school, we had to wear school uniforms.
Only then, I could see his happy face. Ultimately, he did not have to worry
about his suits and other's appraisal.
Taking saving money and escaping from flying relative deviation into the consideration, I firmly hold that school uniforms should
be required for the reasons that I mentioned above.
Fair/ Good (22-25) 불필요한 내용이 있습니다. 첫 본문에서는 줄 쳤습니다. 두번째 본문에서 a poor boy를 예시의 친구의 예에 포함시키는 것이 나을 것 같습니다. imagine도하고 예시도 드니까 글이 산만해집니다. 또한, 첫 본문에서 save money가 주된 이유인지 save money로써 academic performance가 올라가는 것이 주된 이유인지 더 명확히 써주세요. 글이 모호합니다. superior은 그 자체로 비교급이니 more과 함께 쓰지 않습니다. everyday는 형용사이고 every day는 명사입니다. 표현과 문법면에서도 연습해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~
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