▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that playing group sports or joining a club is the most effective way to make new friends. However, in my opinion, going on a trip is the best way to start new friendships. The reasons are that people who feel relaxed are more willing to talk with strangers and people with common interests are apt to travel to the same places.
First of all, traveling makes people relieve stress. Moreover, people in comfortable circumstances are easy to be open-minded. This means that you can easily contact to strangers while you are on a trip. For example, when I was in university,. I went on a trip in North America. I usually stayed at backpackers or hostels because I could save a lot of money for accommodation. Many young travelers use this way to save traveling cost. Even though it was cheap, I had to use a dorm room with 4 or 6 people that I have never met before. I was very worried about sleeping in a room with the strangers. However, not much later, I realized that I did not have to worry about it. They were very easy going and friendly to me. They looked like they could be friends with anybody there. Not only we talked a lot about ourselves but also had a lot of beer together at a pub around the backpacker. It was the most memorable time during the travel.
Second, people who have a lot in common tend to visit the same places. This is because they are interested in the same field;, thus they have more possibility to travel to the same places that are related to their interests. Plus, people with common interests can easily be friends because they can share their ideas and information about their interests. For example, my brother is very interested in Buddhism. So, he goes to a temple every summer vacation and stays there a few days to experience the temple life and learn about Buddhism. Whenever he came back from the temple, he invited his new friends that he met during the temple stay. He said that he could make many friends because he could have an in-depth discussion about Buddhism with them, which is their common interest.
In a nutshell, by taking the two examples of me and my brother into consideration, the advantages of going on a trip for making new friends far outweigh the ones of playing group sports or joining a club. In this regards, I firmly hold that going on a trip is the most effective way to make new friends.
Fair (20-23)
자잘한 문법 실수 유의해주세요. 주어+동사; thus, 주어+동사 이렇게 해주세요. 첫번째 본문에서 이유가 relieve stress인데 예시에서는 사람들을 많이 만나고 같이 놀아서 친해진다로 바뀝니다. 본인이 주장했던 근거와 예시가 일치해야 설득력있는 글이 됩니다. 그렇지 않으면 주장이 모호해집니다. 이부분 연습해주세요. 두번째 본문은 괜찮습니다. 그렇지만 오빠가 새로운 사람들과 share interest하면서 친해지는 부분을 자세히 설명하는 것이 더 논지에 맞을 것 같습니다. 두 예시 다 personal experience입니다. 좀더 객관적인 예시 (통계, 역사, 인물, 사건, 등등)를 하나 이상 사용해야 설득력이 높아집니다. 수고하셨습니다~ |