▶ Your Answer :
As the number of people who
are interested in technology’s influence is increasing every year in today’s
Korean society, it is worth discussing whether technology makes people’s lives
simpler or makes people’s lives more complicated. In my opinion, I agree that
technology enables people’s lives to maintain convenient. (maintain
convenient라는 표현이 어색합니다.) There
are two reasons for my opinion.
First of all, technology
such as the Internet and all kinds of appliances help people to alleviate
stress. Especially, in the case of searching the information immediately, the
Internet is extremely helpful and simple. This activity can relax and clear their
minds because it takes only 5 minutes to find
useful tips on the web site. This aspect brings a fresh approach to perplexing
and stressful problems at work or school. For example, three years ago, when I
was in college, back in California, I was extremely stressfuled and exhausted due to excessive work at school.
Therefore, I was planning to use the Internet on researching for my mid-term
paper. Through the Internet, I was enjoyed a brief
moment of relief from my stressful work because I was able to finish my paper
quicklier than I expected. If I had not used the
Internet technology, I would have had a time of depression.
Also, using the technology
like smartphones helps to get a job in the future. Thanks to smartphones, most
university students especially, job applicants can prepare for the future more simply. As the modern society is
becoming increasingly specialized and competitive, today’s job markets require
the job candidates with such qualities. For example, my father, a boss of a
company in Korea, often tells me that a job
interview is the most important component in
employing people, taking up more than 70 percent of the final call. In the case
of college students, they don’t have enough information about the job markets.
By using the job application, the way to gain all kinds of information about
earning a job becomes simpler to job candidates. This means that utilizing
technology such as smartphones is a secure way for people to prepare for the
future.
All things considered, I think the statement that
technology makes people’s lives simpler or makes people’s lives more
complicated is right.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Good (24-30)
Overall Comment:
좋습니다! 글의 흐름도 좋고 포인트도 잘 잡아주셨어요. 문법 실수가 여기저기 보이긴 하지만 매우 사소한 실수들이라 고치실 수 있다고 생각합니다. 수고하셨어요.
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