Nowadays in the news there appear are many students who are getting part-time jobs. Some people are somewhat skeptical about this, saying that students should be obliged to take studying as their only occupation. ‘jobs.’ However, I believe that having jobs during teenage years is a valuable experience for two reasons: first, it grows in them a sense of responsibility, and it is a good way to encounter new fields.
First of all, jobs can improve teenagers to become more responsible, especially in managing time wisely. This sort of responsibility is greatly needed in Korean teenagers, lots a lot of whom are used to the time schedules that parents set out for them. When these students are out on the field, it is up to them to manage their given time outside of school, such as when to do homework and go to academies besides going to jobs. This is a process of becoming responsible for one’s own time. Moreover, since schedules become tight when working and studying simultaneously, it will also teach the teenagers to become more punctual. Having jobs will help students understand why “time is gold.”
Furthermore, students can meet and try out various fields of activities other than studying. For those teenagers who just stay at school and study all day, they are just frogs in the well. Their perspectives is are highly limited to getting good grades and entering universities. Some even think that going to prestigious colleges is a lifegoal life goal. These insights can be broadened by having jobs and meeting diverse people. For instance, when I had a part-time job at a restaurant, the manager was a young, inspirational man who did not go to college and devoted all his life to creating new recipes. (그래서 그 사람이 뭐가 어떻다는 것인지? 예시를 주장과 제대로 연결을 시켜주세요.) Besides, by participating in new fields such as fine arts or cooking, students may even find one’s new interests. Having jobs can be regarded as a perfect extracurricular activity that schools cannot provide.
I contend that working at jobs as students having a job gives people students precious lessons that cannot be taught in schools. Teenagers learn how to be responsible for time management usages, and they can encounter various people from myriad fields. Since Korean teenagers are so stuck in schools and studying, getting jobs is a perfect start to stand on one’s own feet.
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair (23-24)
전반적으로 큰 오류는 없지만 어색한 표현이 많이 보입니다. 또, 예시가 주장과 제대로 연결이 되지 않는 부분도 있습니다. 본문의 수정을 확인해보세요.