As
energy conservation is deeply realated with economic problems and
reducing environmental contamination, many governments
persuade people from saving energy. And some governments believe that
increasing the prices of gasoline and electricity can result in saving energy.
However, in my opinion, simply increasing the prices is not the only way
for the governments to encourage energy conservation. (not
the only way = 유일한 방법이 아니다. 이 표현은 가격을 올리는 게 그래도 energy conservation을 하기에 좋은 방법이라는 뜻을 가지고 있어요.)
To
begin with, gasoline and electricity are not the luxurious commodities
anymore. Some people assert that people waste energy by turning on air
conditioners or electric heater devices extravagantly. Even
if it is true that some people and shops waste energy, increasing the
prices could be a burden, especially to the poor. For instance, in winter
seasons poor people have to turn on their heater devices
all day long. It is not because they are rich enough to do that, but because
they have no other devices like those or
additional help from communities. But if the governments increase the price,
poor people would have difficulties with paying electricity bills.
On top
of that, the governments can encourage energy conservation by helping
companies make products that consume much less energy than conventional things,
and helping people buy those products. This can be conducive because
some conventional products consume too much energy when compared to new
products. For example, a few months ago my
father had a very old pickup truck that consumed energy a lot more than
newely introduced eco-friendly cars. And my father did not want to
buy a new car because there were few trucks that consume
less gasoline than the old truck, and new cars were too
expensive. But more and more car companies began to present lots of new
pickup trucks which do not consume energy excessively anymore.
Furthermore, the government started to give some pecuniary supports to those who replaced old
cars from with eco-friendly new cars.
Therefore, my father changed his car to a new eco-friendly truck and it does
not waste as much gasoline than as the previous automobile anymore.
To encapsulate, gasoline and
electricity are not the luxurious commodities, and this means that
everyone necessarily uses them in their his or her everyday lives life, (everyone = 단수) so increasing the prices can be a
burden. Moreover, the governments can encourage energy conservation by helping companies make products that are
energy-friendly and help people buy them. So I believe that increasing the
prices is not the only way for the governments
to encourage energy saving.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
22 |
Overall
Comment: |
일차적으로 철자 오류가 잦으십니다.
철자 오류는 집중력의 문제니 글을 쓰시고 나서 한 두번 더 읽어보시면서 확인을 하시는 게 중요합니다. 또한 지적해 드린 것처럼 인트로
마지막 문장을 바꿔주시는 게 좋습니다. |
|