▶ Your Answer :
The majority of people in their early to
mid-twenties think that hasty decisions are always wrong. This notion, however,
does not reflect the stance that I hold and should be thought about in a
different light. I believe that hasty decisions can be the right ones because it
enables they enable people to boost moods
and enjoy a better quality of life. (decisions = 복수)
First, hasty decisions allow people to boost moods. Interestingly, it
has been a topic on various social network sites such as Twitter where people
hold different opinions. Initially, I thought that hasty decisions are always
wrong. However, after reading relevant tweet feeds, I realized that people
would not have boosted moods if they didn't make hasty
decisions. decided hasty. This is because every morning, people
have to get through traffic-clogged roads to go to their working place. While
they are at their office, they also have to think about many problems and
decisions. Therefore, as a way to lower their stress levels, they should decide
hastily. Even if it is only for a short time,
their minds become relaxed, and they are no longer thinking about
the demanding request at work. (트위터에서 어떤 트윗을 보고 이런 결론을 내리신 거죠? 근거가 부족합니다. 또한 너무 섣부른 결정이 낳은 bad consequences 때문에 더 스트레스를 받을 수 있지 않을까요? 조금 더 반박하기 어려운 근거가 필요하다고 생각합니다)
Second, hasty decisions allow people to enjoy a better quality of life.
Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in Korea published an article in The
Korea Herald last Tuesday which claims that hasty decisions can help strengthen
competitiveness in society. His study was particularly interesting because it
supported my view. The article claimed that 62 percent of 200 Korean leading
recruiters prefer people who decides hastily.
Recruiters show such a tendency because they (여기서 they는 recruiters를 가르켜요.) tend
to be more creative and analytical. In the long-run, speedy thinking abilities
enhance their work performance, which results in job promotions. I thought of
this report because the results of the survey resonated with my thoughts.
To sum up, I believe that hasty decision can be the right ones, because they lead to the boosting of moods and enjoying a better quality of life.
Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the
reasons I have mentioned above.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
17 |
Overall
Comment: |
근거가 부실합니다. 위에 지적사항을
확인해 주세요. 문법 오류도 잦아서 감점을 드렸습니다. 또한 수의 일치에도 조금 미숙하신 것 같습니다. |
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