▶ Your Answer :
The speaker claims that spanking is not an effective punishment and it is not helpful for children. This goes against the reading passage's claim that spanking is a good type of punishment.
To begin with, the speaker predicates that spanking does not teach children morality. This is because spanking cannot help children distinguish right from wrong. 아이들이 어려서 잘못된 행동과 처벌을 연결해서 생각할 줄 모른다는 점이 근거가 되므로 그 부분도 요약이 필요할 것 같아요. This refutes the reading passage's claim that spanking can help children understand right and wrong, because children can remember because they will by associating associate forbidden acts with experience of being spanked.
On top of that, the speaker states that spanking is definitely not a successful punishment at all. According to several psychologists' experiments, it turned out that spanking is a less successful way. On the other hand, time-out is more effective, as children have plenty of time to think and they can remember the situation. But children who were spanked may forget about spanking just few minutes after they got spanked. 내용은 맞지만 서술이 너무 깁니다. 실험 결과에 따르면 아이들은 체벌은 금방 잊어버린다, 자기가 무엇을 했는지 생각하게 하는 게더 long-term behavior correction이다, 라는 부분을 간결하게 paraphrasing해주세요. This challenges the reading passage's claim that spanking is the most effective punishment, and it is effective especially among children between the ages of three and five. 4-5세에게 효과적이라는 주장에 lecture가 반박한 것이 아니라 time-out을 중심으로 반박하고 있으므로 reading 내용도 time-out보다 효과적이라는 주장에 초점이 가는 게 맞을 것 같아요.
Finally, the speaker argues that if children are spanked, they will not understand spanking as a punishment but merely perceive as a violence. Children would tend to associate spanking with their parents' way of expressing rage. Thus, they may not see spanking as a educational punishment. This casts doubt on the reading passage's claim that spanking is an understandable tool of punishment, because even young children can understand the meaning of spanking, while there is a chance for children to misunderstand time-out situation. 문장 더 간결하게 줄여주시면 좋을 것 같아요.
Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (1-16) Fair (17-23) ✓ Good (24–30)
reading과 lecture가 어떤 point를 중심으로 대립하는지가 좀 더 명확하게 드러나면 좋을 것 같아요. 두 내용은 서로 '반박'하는 구도에 있기 때문에 공통으로 다루는 point가 문단마다 드러나야 해요. '네다섯살에게 효과적이다-타임아웃이 낫다'로 대립하는 게 아니라 '타임아웃보다 체벌이 잘못을 다시 저지르지 않게 하는 데 효과적이다(reading)-아니다, 타임아웃이 더 장기적으로 행동 교정에 효과적이다(lecture)' 하는 식으로 두 주장이 유기적으로 연결되게끔 요약하는 것이 포인트예요! 그리고 통합형은 간결한 요약을 가장 중시하는 유형이니 불필요한 detail들은 모두 빼고 문장도 너무 길어지지 않게 유의해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! |