▶ Your Answer : Some people think that even if global events do are not directly affect impact a person's life, it is necessary to know about them, while others do not. If I were asked to answer the question, I would say that undoubtedly, knowing about global events is important, even though it is not linked with a person's life.
To begin with, global events can actually affect our lives. So knowing these and having attention is important to prevent its after effect. Without preparation, we will be affected more critically by global events. 직접적인 영향이 아니어도 결국에는 영향을 받게 돼 있고, 미리 알아두어야 '예방' 차원에서 도움이 된다는 부분을 좀 더 명확하게 서술해주면 좋을 것 같아요. For example, China's emission rate of CO2 isn't the matter of lives but this will increase the global warming and eventually farmers will suffer from reduction of production and by melting the glacial. Sea level will rise and people who live in low continents will suffer from flooding. Texas actually was suffered from flooding as a result that a lot of people died. are dead. This area is well known for as its dry weather. Researchers found that the reason of this unexpected crisis is the rising risen sea level caused by global warming. If we pay have more attention to of global problems like other countries' environmental issues, we will prevent this crisis.
In addition, by knowing global issues, we can reduce the possibilities to make mistakes in policy. There are many counties and different policies. If we give ear to have attention about global issues, we can observe other countries suffering that suffered from their faulted policies, and learn about which policy is caused of their crisis and learn how to make adequate policies in our similar situation. 어려움을 겪는것에만 한정하기보다는 좋은 사례 나쁜 사례를 보면서 다양하게 우리 상황에 맞춰서 활용이 가능하다는 식으로 서술하면 설득력을 높이는 데 좋을 것 같아요. For example, Japan has had generous immigration law. of immigrant. But this policy increased the criminal rate caused by immigrants in Japan. If we encounter the situation to choose the policy about immigrants, we can consider the after effect of Japan’s immigration law of immigrant. This will prevent us from making to make mistake in enacting related policy.
All things considered, I strongly believe that knowing about the global events is necessary, regardless of whether it impacts on people's life or not. We can't underestimate the importance of knowledge of global issues.
독립형 채점 기준 논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task 적절한 설명 appropriate explanation 적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details 일관성, 단계적 구성 unity, progression, coherence 다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety 적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity Writing 0–30 score scale Limited (1-16) Fair (17-23) ✓ Good (24–30)
예방이나 정책참고의 측면에서 논리를 풀어낸 것도 좋지만, 질문이 '개인에게 오는 영향'을 언급했다는 점에서 개인적으로도 알아두는 게 나은 이유를 설명한다면 좀 더 점수대가 높지 않을까 하는 생각이 듭니다. 세계적인 위기를 막거나 국가 정책에 참고하는 것은 person's life와는 직접적인 관련성이 없으니까요. 개인 측면에서 제시할 수 있는 주장도 생각해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 어색한 단어사용이나 문법사용도 같이 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!! |