▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that working
3 days with longer hours is more enjoyable than working 5 days with shorter
hours. (주제문 그대로 사용하지 마시고 paraphrase해 주세요) However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent
reasons. First, regular schedule(working 3 days 또한 어느 관점에서 보느냐에 따라 regular 한 일 스케줄입니다) has a good impact on people. Second, the more
employees meet each other, the better atmosphere company will have.
To
start with, it is important for human being to live under regular schedule.
This is because One’s body clock has a great effect on one’s life quality,
which means that waking up and sleeping at certain time makes him or her very
active and healthy. Those who are set with regular body clock do everything better than
those who do not, whether it is playing or working. According to study done
by Seoul Science University, those who had been provided regular schedule to live showed better condition in every biological state than before they had participated in
experiment. On the other hand, those who had been provided irregular situation
shown worse physical state than before they had been subject of this study. (이 주제로 건강에 초점을 맞출경우 '장시간 노동이 건강에 악영향을 미친다'는 reason이 더 plausible할 것 같습니다.)
On
top of that, working 5 days with shorter hours allows employees meet each other
more frequently, which means they can have much time to talk when they have a
lunch time or take a rest. This will help a lot of workers to have a good
relationship and finally contribute to atmosphere of the whole company. Let me take
my personal experience as an example. (Let은 구어체이므로 essay에서 사용을 지양해주세요) When I had worked for part-time-job, I had
worked only three days a week. However, after I changed my job schedule from
three days to five days a week, I could become more familiar with coworkers and
employees since I met them more often than before. Moreover, I was able to know better how to help other workers
because I could understand my job more deeply.
To
sum up, when one works five days a week, he or she can have better health condition and
better work condition than three days a week. In this regard, I assert that it
is more enjoyable to work for five days with shorter hours.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
|
ORGANIZATION
|
PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
|
LANGUAGE USE
|
GRAMMAR
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
FAIR
|
각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
|
|