▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that people do not have to accept criticism to success
succeed (success는 명사로 성공, 이라는 뜻이고, success가 동사이니 이 문장에는 success가 더 적절해요. 굳이 success를 쓰고 싶으시다면 achieve success가 좋습니다.) at their work place.
However, I strongly believe that it is required for people to accept criticism
for their success concerning the fact that they can recognize their problems
and that it can affect their human relationship.
To
begin with, by accepting other's criticism people can deal with their own
problems. Suppose that anyone does not tell you criticism
about you. Would it be possible to solve your cons? The answer will be no. The
key to success in your career is to listen to
criticism. For example, a poll was conducted by Samsung, with their workers as
respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus view
about the conditions
of a good worker in today's companies. The majority of respondents ranked
considering other's opinions over other factors.
The overwhelming 80% of respondents responded
that considering other's opinions is the most important due to the fact that people can
develop themselves by fixing their disadvantages.
Moreover,
if you don't listen to others’ (여기서 남들은 복수이기 때문에 other’s 가 아니라 others’가 더 적절합니다) opinions about you, your relationship with others can get
worse. The meaning of success has completely changed compared to the past. In
the past, it was merely focused on one's own ability to exceed others, now it
is different. Along with your own ability, it is crucial to be recognized by
others and have followers in your field. Take myself as an example. When I had
an internship at Google, I used to ignore others’
advice and worked in my own way. However, my
co-worker who had an internship in same period with me always listened to others’ saying
carefully and fixed her behavior and working
method considering their advice. Over time I could not hanging out with
my co-worker even until the end of the internship.
However, she was gradually recognized by others and finally became the best
worker in of the month.
To sum up, taking the possibility of finding one's
errors and human relationship into consideration, I firmly
hold that to be successful at the work place, people should consider criticism
about them.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
22 |
Overall
Comment: |
잘 쓰셨어요. 논리적으로 매우 잘
쓰셨고 흐름도 좋습니다. 근거도 잘 대주셨어요. 다만 철자 오류들이 몇 개 있으시고 (firmly, listen etc) 문법 오류도
많아서 감점을 드렸어요. (a, others' etc.) 위 지적사항들 참고해 주세요. |
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