▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether educating children is more difficult today than it was in the past because they spend too much time on cell phone, online games, and social networking Website. (주제문장 단어 그대로 사용하는 것을 지양해주시고 paraphrase해 주세요) It is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different relying on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I do not support that education of the children is more difficult nowadays for the following reasons. To begin with, the advent of technology such as cell phone, online games, and social networking websites enables teaching children to become more effective instead of making it more difficult. There are very useful and interesting tool to learn subjects, thanks to the new technologies we have now. I will take an example of my younger brother to illustrate this point. My younger brother who goes to elementary school study English using smart phone. He makes a phone call via his smart phone to his English tutor who lives in the United States on a regular basis. In addition, he has a lot of online friends around the world, and he constantly sends and receives massage with them in English using social network service such as Twitter or Facebook. Therefore, he speaks and writes English very well whenever he wants and wherever he goes. As as result, he became very good at English, even better than me. (중복되는 의미의 문장: 불필요합니다) This shows that these new technology can be an useful method for educating children. On top of that, children can relieve stress by the new technologies in our lives. spending time on cell phone, online games, and social networking website. Children are able to learn efficiently when they take a break regularly. Often, having accessibility to games does not seem to be a good idea, but it can be the best when games can bring students positive results, reliving stress and provide opportunity to have fun. There was a study conducted by Seoul national University to prove this. The former group was consisted of students who studied two hours with no break. and the latter group as formed of students who studied for the same period of time and took a break for 20 minutes, doing online games with the same material. After that they took the same tests, the result was intriguing. The latter group got higher score. The latter group students said that they could concentrate better after they did online game. This is because they can focus on their study better since they are refreshed. In this regard, I firmly believe that educating children is not harder these days. New technology such as cell phone or online games is not an obstacle but a stimulater for children education as long as it is used in proper way.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD | FAIR
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- Spelling mistake 및 grammar mistake이 많이 보입니다. 꼭 Spelling을 맞게 작성하셨는지 확인해주세요.
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