▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that many possessions bring more happiness. They may think properties are the most important factors in their live. However, in my opinion, the fewer belongings can make people more happy. This is because people feel depressed when they lose their possessions and it is very stressful to maintain their properties. To begin with, people can be in depression when they lose their belongings. Therefore, when people have a lot of properties, they are more likely to feel depressed. Let me take my experience as an example. When I was in high school, my father bought me a fancy watch. I was very happy with my watch and always boasted it to my friends. One day, I lost the watch in a park. I wandered the park to find the watch but I could not find it. Therefore, I was in a big depression. I cried for three days and I even could eat anything because of my depression. This story proved that belongings can give people a depression. On top of that, maintaining possessions is very stressful for people. If people have many belongings, they should spend a lot of time and money to sustain their properties. (Why's that?) It can give people stress rather than happiness. Let me take my another experience as an example. When I was in middle school, I liked a comic book series. Therefore I decided to collect the books. As time passed by, I collected all the books by spending a lot of money and I felt happy when I saw the books. However, the books made me stressful. I had to clean up the books regularly and I need to use money to buy a shelf to arrange the books. Sometimes I thought that if I did not have the books, I was more happy. This story showed that belongings can make people stressful. To sum up, I believe that the fewer possessions people have, the happier they will be. This is due to the fact that people can be in depression when they lose their properties and sustaining belongings can give people stress.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 17-19 | happy 의 비교급은 more happy가 아니라 happier 로 수정해주셔야 합니다. possession이 소지품이라는 말도 되지만 전체적인 의미로 자산이라는 의미가 더 크다고 봅니다. 주장과 예시가 다소 weak하기 때문에 보다 강력한 주장을 생각해보셔야 할 것 같아요.
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