▶ Your Answer :
The education has always been an essential
part of the society. Teachers have significant influence on students. Teachers
not only inform students about the class materials but also help them build
their insight about different issues. I think that teachers should not mention
about the social and political issues in classes. The reasons are that students
should have their own thoughts and opinions about the certain issues. In
addition to that, teachers’ opinions would have negative impacts on students’
views. ^
First, the students should learn to
think about the social and political issues and come up with their own
opinions. Teachers should not force students to have thoughts that are
opinionated but instead, teachers should form an environment where students can
should freely express their feelings and have their own opinions. Critical
thinking ability is an important aspect of being a successful student. Without
the expression of expressing their opinions, students would become dependent on teachers.
For instance, students who have been exposed to regular discussions class tend
to have higher academic performance. In contrast, students with no prior
experience with talking about their opinions have lower academic performance. ^
Second, teachers’ opinion has a negative
effect on students. In detail, students usually are in the age where they are
constantly forming moral values,; thus, being exposed to rather one sided opinions
would influence students in a negative way. Students would tend to believe that
teachers opinions are unconditionally right regardless of whether they are
morally right or not. In addition, to cControversial issues such as capital
punishment, and gay marriage issue can have various opinions among public,; therefore, it is up to students’ responsibility to think about these issues on
their own. ^
Finally, students should form their
own opinions because they should learn how to process and express their
opinions before they become adults. Moreover, teachers would force students to
think in one-sided opinions instead of promoting the diverse thinking.
Fair (17-23)
문법 연습 많이 해주세요. 문장을 thus, therefore, however, nevertheless, 등등으로 이어주시려면 주어+동사 ;thus, 주어+동사 이렇게 해주셔야 합니다. 그냥 , 로 이으시는 거는 FANBOYS (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So)로 이어주세요. 첫 본문에 should 보다는 can이 의미상 어울리는 것 같아 바꾸었습니다. 문법적으로는 괜찮습니다. 내용으로는, 첫 본문에 예시에 대해 통계나 연구에 따른 결과라고 해주시면 더 설득력이 높아질 것 같습니다. 또한, 두 본문의 이유들이 비슷합니다. 선생님의 의견을 학생들에게 주입시킬 수 있어 좋지 않다/ 학생들이 자주적으로 생각하지 못한다가 같은 맥락입니다. 두 본문을 좀더 상이하게 쓰셔야 글의 설득력이 높아집니다. 수고하셨습니다~
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