Undoubtedly, homework plays a significant role in students' lives where they study (너무너무너무 어색합니다. 우리말로 생각해 보세요 이게 자연스러운 문장인지... 템플릿이 있다고 억지로 끼워 넣지 마세요). There might be some people who believe that teachers should give students homework every day, while others do not think this way. Both sides may have their own reasons to support thier their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that students should complete do assignments on a daily basis. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, habitually finishing homework (이게 doing homework on daily basis랑 같은 의미인가요? 아닌 거 같은데요..) helps students improve their academic performances. This requires them to be diligent, passionate, and self-disciplined. When these personal traits are well developed, this they is more likely to bring show a better result in school. For instance, many research teams, including the Tokyo Research Center, analyzed data from two groups of young adults. One group consisted of those who had been given assignments every day from their high school teachers and the other group was made up of those had not. The researchers found that the former was more likely to have a higher score on the SAT than the latter. In particular, the first group showed a longer attention span, a stronger passion in their tasks, and a better ability to delay gratification. On the other hand, the second group tended to get easily distracted, procrastinate, and act on impulse. This clearly shows that habitually performing homework (‘숙제를 습관적으로 수행하는 것’ 정말 어색한 조합입니다. habitually라는 표현도 이상하고 숙제에 대해 perform한다는 동사도 이상하고...) is the key to success. Without teachers who force their students to complete do homework every day, the students would fall behind.
On top of that, when teachers give students assignments every day, the students can learn how to mingle well with others. The students can easily get closer to the teachers while getting feedback from them every day. In addition, when they give the students project homework every day, the teachers can have more chances to help students to study together, have discussions, and thus get great solutions come up with better results. This can give the students a chance to acknolwedge acknowledge that different values exist, to understand this diversity, and ultimately be comfortable with it. Let me bring up my personal example to describe this point. When I was in middle school, I met an Indian teacher who often ate his meals with bare hands. At that time, I initially was very uncomfortable by his action because it was my first time seeing someone act like this. However, I has changed little by little aftter after he gave me assignments every day and helped me to talk with my friends. I realized that he was a very professional teacher and skillful at teaching and hleping helping students, while getting feedback on a daily basis. After spending some time, I could get accustomed to this cultural difference. I no longer feel disgusted and still touch with him. (예시가 매우 뜬금없습니다. 다른 문화권의 선생님을 이해하는 것과 숙제를 하는 것에는 무슨 연관이 있나요?)
All things considered, I firmly believe that it is preferable for students to get homework every day from their teachers for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of daily homework cannot overestimated in the pursuit of success in life. (결론에 별 내용이 없습니다. 글쓴이의 point가 무엇이었는지라도 다시 한번 요약해주세요.)
Writing 0-30 scale
Fair (19-22)
paraphrase할 때 뜻이 비슷한 단어라고 떠오르는 대로 바꿔 넣다보면 말이 굉장히 어색해집니다.
글에 오타가 너무 많습니다. 글을 다 쓰고 나면 다시 읽고 수정하는 시간을 반드시 확보하세요.
준비한 예시와 템플릿이 있다고 무작정 끼워 맞추지 말고, 본인이 쓰는 글과 펼치는 논리에 그게 잘 들어맞는지를 생각해보세요.