▶ Topic : Which is better, having a high-salary job but living away from your family members, or having a low-salary job but living with your family?
No need to say, family are is always people who are there for us whenever we people need them. They would do anything to put a smile on their faces. Therefore, I believe that it is better for people to be with their family even though they have a low-paying job instead of a high-paying job where they have to be away from them for the following two reasons. This is because living with family members enables people to overcome stress and live a enjoy quality of life.
Firstly, families help people reduce their stress levels. In other words, their loved ones cannot see them under a great amount of stress, so they would do anything to make them happy. Admittedly, I thought that a higher-paying job was better for people because they would be able to live a more secure lifestyle. However, after having read many expert opinions, I changed my point of view. I acknowledged that money is not everything in life, but was not the entire world, and families could support people whenever they have problems. Every morning, people have to patiently sit through traffic to get to work. Once they are at work, they have to endure countless amounts of documents and continue to read even more at home. Such exhausting routine repeats itself and eventually makes people tired. Hence, as a way to manage the ensuing stress, they can have conversations about the things that cause stress with their family members for words of support after returning home from work. They can receive sympathy and comfort to take their minds off their problems. This notion was convincing enough to change my initial thoughts, and I learned that families can help people relieve their stress.
Additionally, having family by one's side beside people enables him or her them to live a better quality of life. To be more specific, after a tiring day of work, it is nice to know that there is family and a nicely prepared dinner waiting for them at home. This is illustrated by a renowned social scientist in South Korea who published an article last Sunday in "The Korean Herald" which claims that 72 percent of 300 Korean people believe that spending some quality time with family helps them to break away from their routines to live a happier life. By diverting from the mundane, they have the opportunity to encounter new activities that increase life satisfaction. For instance, simple activities like having a family dinner has psychological benefits. They are able to enjoy having conversations during the meal, spending time eating, and cleaning up together. In other words, spending time with family provides the convenience for people to seek diversions that invoke the feelings of pleasure, happiness, and satisfaction. I thought of this report because the results of the survey resonated with my thoughts.
To sum up, I believe that it is better for people to choose a low-salary job while being close to family instead of a high-salary job that requires them to be away from them for the following reasons: reducing stress levels and living a better quality of life. In this regard, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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3
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3
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3
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4
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Score
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Good 21-24
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- 내용을 보다 간결하게 정의해주실 필요가 있습니다. - 두 번째 이유는 having dinner를 제외하고도, 가족과 할 수 있는 다양한 activities를 보여주시는 것이 좋습니다.
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