Opinions differ over whether paper books will not be used any longer among students in the future. I personally dispute the prospect that paper books will continue to find their place among students even in later days. I believe that paper books will disappear as technology which can replace them develops, causing the paper books to lose their merits. and papers books lose their merits. Above all, the students will not use paper books as they concern their concern for environmental issues grows. To continue, paper books will lose their place due to their high cost.
To begin with, the students will become less likely to utilize paper books since they consider environmental issues to be more crucial. Legitimately, what the opposing side argues may seem to have a point. (굳이 넣어야 하나 싶은 표현입니다. 글이 너무 길어질 수도 있으니 이런 표현들은 최대한 간략하게 넣어주시는 게 좋습니다.) Their assertion is that in spite of ecological disadvantages occurred from producing paper books, other advantages such as the personal content of owning real books will prompt many students to buy them. Nonetheless, for the most part, their reasoning is groundless and barely compelling. To their dismay, there exists a flood of attestation that debunks their reasoning. (이 표현들도 마찬가지입니다) In a series of surveys conducted on colleges, a vast majority of student respondents said that they want to replace their paper books with other more eco-friendly forms of reading materials. They also added that the process which is used for producing paper books has been broadcasted several times on the media and they got to know how detrimental it is to use paper books made of resources from trees.
Furthermore, the paper book is more expensive compared to its competitor. Whereas the paper book needs several processes such as acquiring raw material, production and distribution to book store, E-book, one of the competitors, is does not required to have such cumbersome stages. Naturally, the prices of E-books are more favorable for the students who are susceptible to financial problems. Advocates of the other side of the topic may raise several arguments against this belief. Still, to withstand their vigorous scrutiny, I have a flood of evidence to offer. According to a statistic, averagely the price of E-book were fifty percents lower than that of paper book with regard to the same book. (Flood of evidence라고 하셨는데, 증거가 1문장으로 끝나네요.)
To sum up, the students will not side with paper books for the reasons that I have mentioned above. First of all, the students will focus more on ecological advantages than the merits brought out by using paper books. Last but not least, paper books will lose their charm because of more convenient and cheaper forms of reading materials, such as the E-book.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale | Fair (17-23) |
Score | 18 |
Overall Comment: | 수고하셨어요. 좋은 표현들이 많았고, 포인트도 잘 잡아주셨어요. 다만, 굳이 넣을 필요가 없었던 표현들이 많았어요. (밑줄친 문장들) Flood of evidence라고 하셨는데 증거가 한 문장으로 끝난것도 아쉬웠고요. 문법 오류들도 잦아서 감점을 드렸습니다. |
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