▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that it is more important for teachers to connect with students
than to be experts in their fields. However, in my opinion, I do not agree with
the statement above. I strongly believe that it is much more important to be
connected with students. (여기서 먼저 왜 그렇게 생각하는지 포인트들을 먼저 소개를 하시는 게 더 자연스러워요)
To begin with, teachers' ability is important but students do not
need their profound knowledge that much. To be
specific, students are not an experts and
students need only limited range of knowledge. (조금 위험한 문장이라고 생각합니다. 다양한 방면에서 반박이 가능한 입장이라 조심하셔야 할 것 같아요. 설득력이 아쉽습니다.) Therefore,
teachers have to check the level of students, and the lecture must be suitable
for the students' level. In that way, students will be in interested in
such subjects and fields. For instance, in my case, the economy professor used
too difficult books which he had written in the
class. Therefore, nobody could understand the lecture. Finally, they felt bored
and they all lost interest in the class.
On top of that, strong bond with their students make them interested in
class and the teacher. For young students, the
most important thing in the study is motivation and interest. However,
if the teacher is not connected with the students, students will soon lose
their interest in the field. For example, I studied really hard when I was 5th
grade in elementary school, (두 문장을 이어주시는 게 더 자연스럽습니다) because my homeroom teacher really cared of about me and my classmates. I do did not know how much of an expert
she is expertised in her field, but still her teaching skill is was good and her huge concentration to the students
made us moved.
To sum up, teachers who are connected to the students can motivate
students to be interested in studying. In addition, teachers can provide
quality of lecture just fit for the students' level. In this regard, I strongly
believe that teachers' bond with students are more important than to be experts in their own fields.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
19 |
Overall
Comment: |
Good try. 인트로에 먼저
포인트들을 간단하게 설명하시는 게 더 자연스럽습니다. 또한 주장들이 살짝 반박하기 쉬운 주장들이라 아쉬웠습니다. 그렇게 논란이 될만한
표현들을 쓰시면 더 설명을 하시고 설득을 시키셔야 했는데, 그 점에서 아쉬웠어요. 글을 읽고 나서 선생님들의 수준은 중요하지 않고,
학생들이랑 친하기만 하면 된다, 이렇게 주장하시는 것처럼 느낌을 받았습니다. |
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