▶ Your Answer :
There
might be some people who believe that it is preferable for students in high
schools and universities to learn about specific areas and jobs than to study
general subjects, while others do think this way. Both sides may have their own
reasons to support their views. If I had to
choose one, I would say that students in high schools and universities have to
focus on studying particular fields and
jobs.
To
start with, studying general subjects can deter students in high schools and universities from improving academic performances
regarding specific areas of study. It is better for students to delve into
particular areas that they deem overarching because it
has been difficult to fully understand one area of study with as the
remarkable development of today's society. In addition, many companies are also
requiring them to heavily specialize in subjects they are willing to study.
Accordingly, they should be encouraged to brush up on academic abilities about
specific areas and jobs as they do not have enough time to master all
subjects. For instance, many research teams, including the Tokyo Research
Center, analyzed two data from students in two engineering schools. One group
was consisted of students who enrolled in important (important의 기준이 뭐죠?) subjects, such as Science or
Engineering, that they are willing to delve into, whereas the other group was
made up of those who took many courses including general subjects, such as
Presentation Skill Program and International Communication. The researchers
found that the former was more likely to have a higher score on the Engineering
Professional Skill Test than the latter. This is due to the fact that most of
the first group did not have to spend too much time of their valuable time
for studying general subjects so they could learn how to dexterously deal with
many devices and to proficiently solve many Science problems in detail.
However, most of the second group could not spend a lot of time delving into
significant and necessary subjects that they must study in order to get a high
score, because they were taking many general classes. This clearly
shows that focusing on particular subjects is educationally advantageous than
vaguely studying many general subjects that may be unrelated to students'
career. (매우 섬세하게 설명하신 점은 좋지만, 문단이 너무 길어요. 중요 포인트만 잡아서 더 간결하게 쓰시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다.)
In
addition, learning about students' special
subjects can help them to experience practical business affairs.
Professors or teachers can give them assignments that encourage
students to experience actual field work,
helping students to be certain on their aptitude for specific majors
and get a lot of information about companies before graduating and getting
a job. Naturally, students can learn about challenges of real work
early, so they may be easily accustomed to work environment in the future. I
want to bring up my personal example to verify my contention. When I was in the university, I took a lecture about patent
law because I wanted to become a patent attorney. At that
time, my professor put forward tasks that students should spend five hours a week going over judicial records
and assisting lawyers at a law firm. Fortunately, many lawyers
offered real advice and suggestions when I worked and analyzed materials. Not only did these
advices that I could not obtain through general
subjects enhance my work efficiency after I became an lawyer, but also helped
me make sure that I were certainly interested in patent law. Without these
suggestions, I would have difficulty finding my aptitude and valuable
information from many lawyers.
All
things considered, I strongly believe that students in high schools and
universities should heavily delve into specific and necessary subjects that
they are willing to learn because students can achieve greater success in
academic performances, and they can get hands-on experience.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
25 |
Overall
Comment: |
매우 잘 쓰셨습니다. 논리적으로
자신의 입장을 잘 설명하셨고 흐름도 매우 매끄럽습니다. 문법 오류도 많지 않고요. 다만 위 지적한 것처럼 조금 더 간결하게 쓰시는 걸
연습하시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 또한 스펠링 오류도 잦았습니다. 스펠링 오류는 쓰신 다음에 한 번만이라도 더 확인을 하신다면 고칠 수
있으세요. |
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