▶ Your Answer : Some people think that living with grandparents is no more important now than before. However, in my opinion, extended family has much more advantages than we expect. It has its advantage when someone is needed to care about kids and people who have grown up with their grandparents tends to have great sociability. To begin with, extension extensive family can be a good option for a couple who no one want does not want to give up one’s job for baby-sitting. Nowadays, it is common that people are not likely to abandon their job after marriage. However, when they have their children, one of family members is needed to look after kids. In this case, extension family can be a good option. For example, when I was a baby, my both of my parents were working for earning enough money to raise me. That was the problem for them, because a baby cannot live alone when they were in offices. So they asked their parents come to their place and live with them to look after their kid, me. On top of that, living with grandparents can be a good way to develop children’s sociability such as courtesy. When a kid are growing grows, they have he or she confronts with trouble with building their social manner. In this case, grandparents can be helpful to make the concepts of courtesy. A study was conducted by University of Seoul to determine whether living with grandparents can affect people’s sociability. Two groups were monitored over 15 years. One group consisted of people who lived with their grandparents, on contrary the other group was filled with people who did not. Then, they were asked to answers a questionnaire which was designed to measure social manners. The results was that the first group got more sociability scores in average than the latter group and this study demonstrated that extension family can have positive effect in developing kids’ sociability such as courtesy. To sum up, extension family has great advantages by helping baby-care for couples who don’t want to quit their job because of kids and by developing children’s excellent social skills. In this regard, I firmly believe that living with grandparents has positive effect in many aspects and is worth to be recommended. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 일단 extensive family입니다 extension이 아닙니다. 이러한 부분 이외에는 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요하게 여겨지는 것 중에 하나는 본인의 에세이를 통하여서 상대방을 설득 할 수 있냐 입니다. 이러한 면에 있어서 지금 이 에세이는 잘 서술되고 있는 거 같습니다. 각 바디의 예시나 설명들이 이유를 잘 서포트 하고 있습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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