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It has been argued that exercising is more important for older people, while others would argue that it would have a greater impact on the young. This essay will argue that exercising is more important for the younger generation, rather than the elderly, for the two following reasons.
It can be suggested that young people who make a habit of regular exercising can live healthier lives than those who started it later in their lives. People who are used to working work out since they were younger tend to exercise throughout their lives consistently. Because exercising stimulates their body cells and rejuvenates them, it allows them to live longer, healthier lives. On the other hand, people who started exercising at a later stage of their lives can tire out their already aged muscles too much too easily. A recent study by the University of Seoul showed that people who played sports regularly since they were the age of 6, had much better metabolism and stronger muscles than those who started it after they reached their 40s. This study would seem to back up the idea that it is important for people to start exercising when they are still young. Also, according to a research conducted by WHO, people who grew up in a culture which stresses on exercising, such as the US, had a better immune system than those who from a more static culture, such as Korea, when they reached the age of 60. It was revealed that the age they started exercising was the major factor of the difference. This clearly demonstrates that it is more significant for younger people to be exercising than the older people.
In conclusion, although it might seem intuitively more important for the old people to exercise than the young, exercising will play a greater role in the younger people’s health. Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 일단 이 에세이에서 문제가 되는것은 인트로에서는 여러가지 이유를 서술한다고 하셨는데 하나의 이유만 서술하였습니다. 또한 하나의 이유에 너무나 많은 정보가 들어갔습니다. 장황하게 하나의 이유를 계속 서술하시는 것 보다는 간결하게 독자들이 본인의 이유를 잘 파악할 수 있는 두 가지의 이유를 서술하시는 것을 추천합니다. 그렇게 서술하시다 보면 좀 더 본인의 의견이 무엇인지를 잘 파악할 수 잇는 에세이가 될 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |