▶ Your Answer :
Some parent believe that it isn’t efficient
for child to practice if they do not want to. However, I think if parents want
their child to become competitive at a skill such as playing instrument or
other sport activity, they should make the child to practice every day for a set
number of minutes or hours. This is because the skills related to sport or
music are highly recommended to be practiced perpetually to be competitive. And
the other reason of the necessity for rigid training routine(조금 더 직접적인 문장이 나을 것 같아요) is that the skills
such as playing instrument or competing in sport are only improved when they
are performed with willingness.
Firstly, the skills about playing
instrument or competing in sport are highly recommended to be practiced every
day because It takes child for requires a sufficient amount of long time to be used to perform these activities.
These performing includes several sets of repetitive movements that require
much practicing to be better. For example, when I was young, my parents
encouraged me to practice piano for 2 hours every day and eventually, i became
a good piano player., unless Without that much practicing, I would not be good at piano. So
i strongly believe that parents should make their child practice regularly.
Secondly, to become better at these skills,
willingness is very important, which might be encouraged by child’s parents.(문장이 너무 길어진 느낌이 있어요. run on sentence를 확인해보세요) Playing
instrument or training sport need a lot of patient as they require so much
practice until they become used to. And parents can play a key role by
encouraging their child, having much interest on such activities, but not
having willingness, to practice more. For instance, the famous soccer player
Park reveals that when he was young, his father encouraged him to practice much
more, which results in enabling him to be famous soccer player. So I think that
parents should encourage their child to practice every day for a set number of hours
routinely.
To sum up, parents should encourage their child
to practice daily to be competitive because of the following reasons. Firstly,
the skills are highly recommended to be practiced perpetually to be competitive
and secondly, are improved when performed with willingness.
예상점수: 24-27 총평: 글 내용이나 문단 구성 자체에는 크게 문제가 없이 잘 쓰셨고, 이유와 예시도 적절하게 제시해주셨습니다. 다만 문법적인 오류가 지나치게 많아요. 먼저 i는 항상 대문자로 쓰셔야하고 run-on-sentence(two independent clause가 그냥 comma로만 붙어있을 때)를 조심하셔야 합니다. 글을 쓰실 때 한 문장에 지나치게 많은 내용을 담으려 하시다 보니 이러한 문제가 발생하시는 것 같아요. 다음부터는 문장을 조금 더 쪼개서 쓰시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다. |