▶ Your Answer :
There has been a controversy surrounding
the issue of the effects on people’s lives caused by transportation vehicles.
Many people, nowadays, have a tendency to believe that automobiles or bicycles
have changed our world hugely. However, airplanes have had greater influences on to the contemporary society because of the perspective's development and easy access
to world news.
First of all, airplanes allowed us to
travel other countries in shorter time. As a result, people can broaden their
horizons by having a chance to visit foreign countries. To be specific, they
can look at the places and living conditions from a different angle by
comparing different cities and their cultures. This will added a variety to their
minds and made make their lives flourish more fuller in the end. My personal experience clearly
shows that this is true. When I was in high school, I had to move to the UK
because of my father’s job. I did not realize the importance of experiencing
various cultures until I had the chance to communicate with foreign people, try
exotic cuisines and so on. The exposure to a change in the living conditions
was very beneficial for me useful because I was backed up with a wider range of knowledge for
making firm decisions in my future life. 이것이 비행기가 아니면 불가능한 일이었음을 명시해주세요. 단순히 이전과 다른 경험을 해서 시야가 넓어졌다는 내용으로만 초점이 가 있기 때문에 주제와 동떨어진다는 느낌을 줄 수 있습니다. Thus, airplanes has helped people have new
experiences and widen their perspectives.
Furthermore, people in modern world can
easily access the news around the world due to the effective use of airplanes.
We have virtually unlimited number of articles and books about places that we
have never been before. Previously, people would have to be satisfied with the
limited amount of news they could hear about foreign countries. For example,
journalists could not produce journals about issues of the countries that they
could not visit arrive by trains or ships unless they received help from those who
are there when before airplanes were not invented. However, today, they can freely
write detailed articles about the Olympics and local festivals by simply
visiting the places where these events are being held and feeling the atmosphere
by themselves. Therefore, the invention of airplanes increased our access to
the news around the world. 세계 뉴스에 대해 더 잘 들을 수 있는 것이 '영향력'과 무슨 관련이 있는지 설명할 수 있어야 합니다. 비행기로 인해 세계 뉴스를 더 잘 알게 되어서 어떤 영향을 끼쳤는지, 이것이 왜 중대한 영향이라 생각하는지를 설명해주세요.
결론 문단 만들어주세요.
Comment : 질문 내용은 세 교통수단 중 내가 고른 것이 '어떻게' 사람들의 삶을 바꾸었는가 하는 점이므로, 사람들의 삶의 변화에 좀 더 초점을 둔 답안을 제시해주는 것이 좋습니다. 세계 뉴스를 더 많이 알게 된 것이 삶에 어떤 변화를 가져오게 되었는지에 대한 설명이 없으면 단순히 '비행기가 있어서 가능한 일'을 설명하는 정도에 그치기 때문에 주제가 잘 반영되기 어렵습니다. 주제에 대한 답변으로 연결할 수 있는 부분들을 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 한편의 글로 답안이 제출될 수 있도록 간단한 결론도 꼭 만들어서 글을 완성해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음)
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