작문 교정 (모범 작문 예시)
Topic:
Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students how to judge right and wrong and how to behave well, some say that teachers should only teach students about academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
원문:
As a result of the responsibility of a teacher,One side argument is they orght to teach the students how to distinguish right and wrong and how to be a human being well.the other side view is they should solely teach students about academic konwledges.In the following paraguaphs I will discuss each argument.
First,teaching konwledges is a initial responsibility of a teacher.they should make every student learned various konwledges and the methods of how to study. When the students are studying in the primary school,they do not know anything about different subjuct. A good teacher should have the ability of how to guide the students to study and improve the attention of students increasingly paying to the various subject.
On the other hand, apart from academic knowledges the students also need other skills. It is necessary that the teacher taught the students how to realise everything of the society, such as teammork,uderstanding each other, helping someone when he or she needs, in addition,the teacher also need teach the students how to solre the problems they meet, and how to face the difficult time and so forth.
In conclution,Teacher plays a significant role in Education of students. The academic knowledges and social skills were learned through the teachers. Thus, They should not only teach varions knowledges, but teach every social technologies as well.
전체적인 평가:
문제:
1.간단한 문법상의 문제
2.논증 과정중 논리상의 혼란
3.작문중 state personal view 를 완성하지 못함.
4. 언어상, 특히 문장 구조 변화가 필요하다.
위 문제에 대한 수정 방안:
1. 작문 전:먼저 큰 뼈대를 정한 후 세세한 문장을 써 나가는 순서에 맞게 문장 구조를 적절하게 써나가야 한다.
2. 평소 영어 공부시 간단한 문장 작문 능력을 강화 시킨다. 예를 들어 한가지 의미가 두가지 이상 뜻을 표현 하는 작문 방식을 연습한다.
3. 문장을 모두 쓴 후 다시 한번 검사 해야 한다. : 단수 복수 스펠링 등.
교정후:
As to the responsibility of teachers, one argument is that they should solely teach students about academic subjects. While, the other view is that they ought to teach the students how to distinguish right from wrong, and how to be a human being well. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the above opinions and state my personal view.
(평가: 대부분 어법에 관련해서 많이 틀렸으며, 문장 연결이 부드럽지 못했다. 관점을 표현하는데 있어서도 어순을 약간 교정할 필요 있었다.)
People who hold the first view argue that teaching about academic subjects is an essential responsibility for any teacher. From their point of view, a qualified teacher should not only make every student acquire the knowledge, but also learn how to learn independently. Take students in the primary school as an example, most pupils do not know anything about their subjects. Therefore, a good teacher should have the ability to guide the students to study and inspire their interests on this field. Only in this way can students become independent in their future and further study.
문제:머리의 문장은 테마의 문장이며당연히 당연히 말은 간결하나 뜻은 완벽해야 한다.그 후 여기에서 마땅히 마땅히 전개하는 것을 깊이 파고들어야 한다.
지식을 배운다:acquire/gain knowledge
주의는 예를 제시해서 적절하다:예는 자기의 관점을 지지해서관점의 전개다
On the other hand, others hold the opinion that apart from academic subjects, teachers need to teach students about how to tell right from wrong, and how to behave well. They believe that by doing so, students can easily adapt to the society where they may be confronted with various choices, including both the good and the bad. In class time, a teacher’s peoper behaviors, attitudes and comments on social issues will absolutely set good examples for students. Accordingly, students can develop their correct philosophy of life, and meantime they build up the indispensible quality, such as teamwork, tolerance, perserverence. In this way, the students can learn how to solve the problems they meet, and how to face the difficult time and so forth.
3번째 단락:자기가 표현하고 싶은 주장 및 관점은 일반적으로 문장 뒷부분에 쓰인다.
Taking into account the above analysis, I prefer the second view. What makes me convinced is that the ultimate goal of education is to server the development of the society. From my point of view, only those people, who are quipped with not only knowledge, but proper behavior and the ability to tell right from wrong, can shoulder the responsibility of constructing society.
문장을 마무리 할때는 자신의 주장을 확실하고 간결하게 표현해야 하며, 그 주장에 따른 간단한 이유 또한 설명해야 한다.