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It is often said that healthy foods are the major factor
to maintain a healthy life. However, I believe that regular exercise is by
far the best way to keep in health than eating healthy meals.
There is no doubt that healthy diets play a positive role
in the human body. This is because they contain a variety of essential nutrients
and low fats. However, even if people enjoy eating nutrient meals, they suffer
from indigestion, diabetes, or obesity due to the lack of physical activities.
Most modern people are reluctant to go to outdoor activities and spend most of
their time at the office or home and it causes a the deficiency of calcium and vitamin D d deficient.
In addition, some rely on taking nutritional supplements to fulfill required
nutrients which are unable to fill up by good eating habits. Meanwhile, working Work out helps
people absorbs nutrients that produce vitamin B or D naturally and boosts
immune systems to replenish their body.
The more important reason is that exercise leads to build
physical growths and reduces disease risks. As life expectancy has been
increased, many people desire to do enjoy social life for long, but it is by no means
to do achieved without physical strength. Especially, proper exercises
contribute to people the strengthening of bones and muscles so doctors advise exercising
at least three times a week. Also, a number of schools and companies offer
health classes to participate in during the break time as a part of welfare,
because many people do not afford to make time for doing exercises. Thus,
it encourages people to relieve stresses and raise the efficiency of work or study.
In conclusion, it is true that a healthy eating habit is
necessary but exercise should be done in priority over a healthy diet, and
exercise because can help people lead a healthy life by reducing disease and
strengthening their physical abilities.
안녕하세요 지난번것 재첨삭 부탁드립니다. (19681) 저는 agree/disagree가 'both views 같다''라는 의견이 많아서 한쪽에만 동의하는 의견을 적었더니 아이디어가 .... 정말 너무 스트레스네요. 또 어떻게보면 problems/solution같아 보일것 같고
본문 2에 also 뒤 수업관련은 정말 말같지도 않은거같고 ㅋㅋ
나름 템플릿을 찾아보고 고려해보고 작성한건데 이번에도 아니면 ㅠ 그냥 아이엘츠 라이팅은 저랑 아닌가봐요...
첨삭 감사합니다.
agree/disagree 유형에서 무조건 하나만 고를 필요는 없습니다~중의적인 입장을 취하는 것도 충분히 가능해요! 대신 이때 그 입장을 명확히 표현해서 글이 꼬이지 않도록 하는 것이 중요하고요. 아이엘츠 라이팅이 어렵긴 하지만 그래도 못할 건 절대 아닙니다. 다른 3개의 영역이 토플보다 상대적으로 쉬우니까 이쪽에서 얻는 이점도 있겠고요. 파이팅하세요 :)
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