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Nowadays, running an online shopping business is more and more
prevalent around the world, which means that stores could be disappeared. I personally
think that this phenomenon could cause a negative development.
On the one hand, shopping
on the Internet could provide people who are busy with convenience. As most
people these days work around the clock, they neither have enough time to shop nor
want to waste of time while going to stores and coming back home. Moreover, owners
of online shopping malls could save a lot of money since they do not need to rent
any tangible store. It means that they just need a small space to store their goods.
This shows that online shopping malls have optimistic implications on both
shoppers and owners.
Despite the positive effect,
developing online shopping malls would be more negative. As people do not need to
go out to purchase what they need or want, not only shopping stores but other kinds
of shops would go bankrupt. To invigorate economy, a number of people should consume
outside, rather than not indoors. For example, in Korea, there were massive shopping centres which
attracted a great number of people even from other countries. However, people do
not go shopping there anymore and as a result, many stores had to be closed permanently.
This illustrates that with developing online shopping malls, the economy is affected
in a negative way.
In conclusion, increasing
the number of online shopping malls would have positive development, however, it
results in more negative effects on economy of shopping industry. (지금 서/본/결 입장 통일이 전혀 안 되어있는데, 이에 대해서 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
세심한 첨삭 항상 너무 감사드려요. 다음주 시험에서 6.5가 꼭 나왔으면 좋겠는데ㅠㅠ 제가 문제를 정확하게 이해하지 못하는게 문제일까요.. 아니면 아이디어가 없는게 문제일까요 작문실력이 문제일까요ㅠㅠ 작성한다고 하긴 하는데 실력이 늘지가 않는 것 같아서 고민이에요... 늘 봐주셔서 감사합니다;)
6.5 수준에서만 말씀드리자면 현재 순히님의 문제는, 저 세 개중에는 논제에 대한 이해입니다. 정신만 바짝 차리고 논제가 나한테 요구하는 바를 잘 파악하면, 순히님의 경우 6.5 수준에서는 작문실력과 아이디어는 그럭저럭 잘 갖춰져있습니다. 그러나 이번 글이나, 얼마 전에 제가 5.5까지 깎은 글이 있는데, 이 글들에서처럼 문제가 생길 경우 곤란하고요!
여하튼 시험장에서 논제 파악만 잘 하시면 6.5는 문제 없습니다~ |