More and more people wear fashionable clothes. Is this positive or negative development?
These days, many people gradually enjoy
wearing the latest fashionable clothes. Some people insist that this phenomenon
can have negative effects on society while others believe that it would play a
crucial role (positive development 를 이걸로 패러프레이징하는 건 너무 과하지 않나 싶네요.) in our lives. I personally agree with the latter, so I will write
about the advantages of wearing fashionable clothes.
First of all, wearing clothes in vogue is
beneficial for a person who wants to express his or her own individuality. It is well
known that most people need to be a special person different from others, so
they tend to act or think in various ways. For example, some people prefer
wearing the newest clothes in order to express their personality. It is a way
to show their own characteristics to other people. Therefore, it is important
to wear fashionable outfits in the current days since people can make themselves
different from others.
On top of that, when a number of people
follow the latest fashion trend, industries related to fashion are likely to be
developed. Consequently, it can lead to economic growth. For instance, France
and Italy are famous countries for leading the fashion in vogue, so products
made in these two nations are popular all over the world. There are numerous
fashion brands in nations. Even though fashion items produced in the two are
pretty expensive, many people are willing to purchase them. Therefore, the
fashion industry accounts for a large portion of economic progress.
In conclusion, I assert that many people
enjoy wearing the trendy outfits can affect positively society positively because it helps
people express their personality and offer the community an opportunity to
improve economic situation.
총평: (7/7/6/6) 6.5
내용상 크게 문제는 없었는데, 이에 비해 표현 쪽 자잘한 부분들이나, 단조로움은 약간 아쉬웠습니다. (대표적으로 account -> accounts를 들 수 있겠고요.) 그렇다고 하더라도 최소한의 깔끔함은 갖추고 있기 때문에 6.5 선에서는 괜찮을 겁니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)