Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Disscuss both these views and gice your own opinion.
With an ever increasing concern about the measure to deal with a bad situation, the portion of the population has opined that accepting the situation of is much better than overcoming them., The rest of the population, however, has rasied a counterargument that improving the situation is more helpful to the public for the long term. This essay evaluate both views and give a conclusion.
On the one hand, advocates of the acceptance of a bad situation have has argued that trying to improve the situation such as dissatisfaction of jobs and lack of money is useless and makes people feel disappointed. To overcome the present situation needs enormous struggles to get a higher-paid job and make fortunes, which is difficult and somehow impossible things for the almost most of the (이 글을 보는 즉시 almost 와 most의 차이를 확실하게 정리해서 익혀주세요~많은 수험생들이 틀리는 사항이라 이번 기회에 반드시 잡고 가야 합니다.) general public. The present situation shows the limitation of their abilities in that most population has made efforts not only to get decent jobs and but also to become a rich. Furthermore, given that people have to make more efforts compared to the past to improve the bad situation and win against to others in competitions of society, staying and being satisfied with the present is much more helpful for their mental health.
On the other hand, opponents of this issue has have presented that not only being satisfied with the present now but also making no efforts to improve the bad situation is one of way to give up their lives and futures. In terms of the standard of living and the amount of happiness, considering having satisfactory jobs and much money is one of the most desirable things for many people, giving up making efforts to better situation can not improve any thing for their lives and futures. Not trying to getting get better brings about no changes in their lives, which will result in worse mental health by providing no satisfaction with theirselves and by comparing theirselves to others who have both reputation and affluence.
In conclusion, it seems that acceptance accepting the bad situation is somehow helpful to staying happy for the public by sustaining the stable situation and by proving no efforts. Nevertheless, I believe that tying to improving improve the bad situation is much more beneficial for lives in the long term, and I suggest that many measure to improve the public’s bad situation have to be developed and implemented.
총평: (7/6/6/5) 6.0
지금 글의 경우는 내용상으로 보거나, 큰 틀에서 보면 꽤 괜찮았습니다. 그러나 문제는 세부적으로 봤을 때 자잘한 오류가 너무 많다는 점이고요. 거의 매 문장마다 최소 하나의 오류가 보이기 때문에 주의해주셔야 합니다. 이러한 문제점들이 반 정도로만 줄었어도 6.5까지는 괜찮았을 글이 6.0이나 그 밑으로 내려가게 되어서 아쉬운데, 특히 수일치 관련 문제가 제일 많으므로 이쪽에 신경써서 글을 만들어보세요!
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