In this day and age, some of the people believe that competitive sports in different groups and countries can have advantages, whereas other people say that competitive games might only cause problems between people. In this essay, I will discuss both these views and provide my own opinion.
On the one hand, there are those who advocate that competitive sports could have advantages for people from different groups and countries. They say this because people who play professional sports should improve their skills and practice how to win in national tournaments. On top of that, athletes would develop their poor attitudes to participate in competition games. If, for example, youth athletes want to step up on a team in order to compete with other groups or countries, they may have to work out harder to achieve their objectives such as being a winner, a talented or good sportsman. Therefore, it can be concluded that competitive sports can is willing to help athletes learn not only outstanding skills, but also confident attitudes.
On the other hand, others claim that competitive sports might only cause problems between people. This is mainly because playing competitive sports require individuals or teams would have to create a good result, which could lead to extra times of training and the pressure of competition. For instance, a athlete who participatesd in the Olympic Games which is one of the biggest competition sports event in the world should endeavor to renew a world record and make a better own record and as a result this might create problems like using drugs and increasing the risk of serious injury due to intense competitions. Thus, it is reasonable to state that competitive sports will cause problems among people who attend the sports event. (이 문단에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
In conclusion, it seems that there are both benefits and drawbacks of competitive sports. However, on balance, I would say that the positives outweigh the negatives owing to being a better sportsman and a better person. Therefore, we should encourage youth athletes to be a respectable sports player.
총평 : (6/7/7/6) 6.5
대체로 잘 적어주시긴 했는데, 본론 두 번째 문단은 약간의 수정이 필요합니다. 논제를 보시면 problems 'between' people 이라고 서술되어있지만, 해당 문단은 개인 내에서의 문제 쪽에 더 쏠려있기 때문에, 조금 더 개인/단체 '간' 문제 쪽으로 틀어주시는 게 좋아요. 수고하셨습니다 :)