People
have jobs because they need money to live, but what are some other important
reasons that people have jobs?
It has been observed that the majority of employees work for money, but there are other important reasons why people have jobs. First and foremost, it encourages people to develop personally. Many people have dreams since when they are younger. Also, they could feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction when they achieve their goals. It is true that these emotions from their behaviors are able to increase their interests and passion. Thus, they could have advanced minds and abilities. In addition, they have many chances to corporate with others in workplace like discussions, conference and things like that. Through these activities, they can make a new relationship. Another reason is because of the contribution of society and community. For instance, a student wants to be a doctor to cure serious diseases which threaten many people. In conclusion, I think that personal development, forming a new relationship and contribution to society could be other reasons about having jobs.
DET 연습 시험에서 나왔던 문제에요! 우선 아이엘츠 라이팅에서 쓰던 방식대로 서론-본론-결론을 다 쓰긴 썼는데 주어지는 시간이 길어봤자 시험때 5분이라서 저렇게 다 쓸수 있는지는 모르겠네요..정확히 안재고 썼지만 이 글은 대강 15분정도 걸린것 같아요..차라리 서론을 없애고 본론과 결론을 조금 더 자세하게 쓰는게 나을까요?
첨삭해주실때 따로 점수 매기지 않고 틀리거나 어색한 단어,문법 등만 집어주셔도 돼요!
그런데 아이엘츠 라이팅 게시판에 이렇게 DET문제 올려도 괜찮나요? (혹시 안된다면 말씀해주세요)