It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important? TO what extent do you agree or disagree?
With an ever increasing concern about expenditure of governments, some individuals have has opined that governments should invest their money to solve the several problems like housing and transportation rather than to preserve wildlife. This essay will present several reasons why I definitely disagree with their argument.
To begin with, opponents of governments spending money excessively to protect wildlife by governments tend to contend that governments should prioritized other social problems in that developing housing and transportation system and improving other enviromental problems is better for increasing happiness of the public. Firstly, in terms of local economy, investments for housing and transportation could contribute to an affluent economy by providing more job opportunities and by upgrading the standard of daily life. Secondly, governments could spend more money to preserve our nature by focusing on the preserving our enviroments, which is much useful to provide happiness for the general public who have no interest on the protecttion of wildlife. (이 문단은 문법 체크를 위해 봐드리긴 했지만, 애초에 내용 자체가 싹 바뀌어야 합니다. 이에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드릴게요.)
In spite of the reasons above mentioned, I firmly disagree with the opinion that governments should not spend much money to preserve wildlife but invest money to solve other problems instead. Given that preserving wildlife can be used for the attraction to gather a lot of tourists, a variety of wildlife could offer many professions and job opportunities for the public. In addition to increasing employments, taxes can be increased (바로 앞에 같은 단어가 있으니까 웬만하면 대체해주세요~) by tourists and employers by using wildlife, which is very helpful to improving the local economy. Furthermore, considering protecting wildlife is one of the way to protect the variety of the biology, it is very useful measure to keep the enviroments.
In conclusion, it seems that focusing on solving other social problems by governments spending is much helpful to our society. Nevertheless, I surely believe that expanding the expnditure of goverments to wildlife is much more beneficial to our society.
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
논제에 찬/반의 대비되는 두 가지가 있다고 그걸 기계적으로 다 다루는 게 아니라, 발문이 요구하는 바에 맞춰갈 수 있어야 합니다. 지금 발문에서는 discuss both views~가 아닌 to what extent~라고 묻고 있으므로 순간님의 의견만 넣어주시면 되고요. 고로 본론1도 본론2와 같은 맥락에서의 주장으로 채워주시면 됩니다.
자세한 건 밑의 링크에 잘 설명되어있으니 참고해주세요~
수고하셨습니다 :)
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