▶ Your Answer :
There has been many debates concerning if a country develops
its technology, they will >> if 절을 쓰셨다면 주절에 조동사가 들어가야 합니다 lose traditional skills that is not useful anymore.I agree with that new skills can be used together with historical crafts because the old skills are relatied
to the lifestyles >> 한 단어입니다 of old generations. and >> 문장이 깁니다 한 문장에 because가 두 번 들어가면 좋지 않습니다 because Thus, it is worthy of preserving
in a view of the protection for cultures.
First of all, conventional ways of
production are closely connected with how locals of the country live >> 무슨 뜻이죠?. The old
generations lived in ages>> ?? as using historical crafts. Basically, It became a
fundamental industries of the countries. Even if the new productive
skills completely replaced old-fashioned
ways to die out, it will be >> 주절 조동사 넣어주세요 too >> 부정적인 단어는 so가 아닌 too 입니다 difficult to alter history and lifestyles of old generations 중복입니다 the old 라고 해주세요 in one day.
Secondly, old crafts and craftsmen have valuable cultural meaning in itself. Even
if computer science changed all of human being’s more comfortable, folkcrafts by hands have still significant worth. Many customers prefer to use handmade goods instead of choosing the latest items>> 제대로 된 근거가 없인 단순한 추측일 뿐입니다.
In conclusion, lots >> lots of 는 구어체입니다 a lot of 라고 써주세요 of countries made big steps in their new techniques and it changes people’s life simultaneously.
However, it is impossible that scientific development affects whole cultures as much as they totally accept it. Moreover, there are lots of residents
who prefer conventional lifestyles in conventional forms. For these reasons , when a country
possesses with high technology, it can
be coexist with historical living forms as
making our society versatile.
우선 문법이나 논리적 오류가 발견됐습니다 본문보다 결론이 길게 작성됐네요 본문 한 문단이 많게는 결론의 두배가 되어야 합니다 서론 결론이 길기도 하네요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |