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Today I
would like to explore some points of vies in different ways regarding
individual’s thoughts that the golden age of cinema is going into decline.>> 논제와 딱 들어맞지 않습니다
We cannot
deny that technology is having a deep impact on >> affects our everyday life. The
invention of the Internet “world wide web” system makes entertainment so
convenient to all users. so that Thus, >> 문장이 너무 길어서 끊었습니다 they might prefer to download a movie from the
Internet legally or illegally rather than to spending money to go to the cinema
instead. Moreover, as the economic status of some group of people may increase,
they might even rather spend the money on setting up their own home theatre.
such as For example, they purchase a projector or a high definition 3D television with a huge wide
screen and an expensive audio system to enhance the enjoyment of their own cinema's
sound effects.
On the
other hand, going to the cinema is a form of entertainment, which can be
afforded by almost all different social groups. It is a very pleasant activity
for families and , friends, and especially for couples dating. Once you enter the
cinema,>> 콤마 빼주세요 with the popcorn smell and a romantic environment, this kind of
atmosphere can usually bring you an unforgettable experience with your
lover and allow you to escape a little from your stressful daily life. No
cell phones and no calls from your boss anymore within the 120 minutes. >> 문법적으로도 틀린 문장이 되구요 또한 논리적으로 보스로부터 전화가 안 온다는 것이 아니라 피할 수 있다 일에서 벗어난다 등이 더 괜찮겠습니다
In my own
opinion, although downloading from the Internet might be a really convenient
way of watching a film, the experience of going to the cinema cannot be totally
replaced. I would like to suggest governments subsidise students and the
elderly to hold more activities to let them to go to see more meaningful films
for free to increase opportunities for more people to enjoy the magical time
inside the cinema.
논제와 결론을 보시면 논제에서 요구하는 대답을 충분히 못 하신걸 알 수 있습니다 또한 단어도 너무 한정적으로 보이네요 문법도 봐주시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 5.5 예상합니다 |