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Nowadays, IT technology information technology supports the convenient learning environments,>> 뒤에 완전한 절이 나오니 콤마로 두 절을 이어줄 수 없습니다 세미콜론 써주세요 ; also it is also used by a means of effective study>> 효과적인 공부의 방법이다 라는건 주장에 어울리는 말입니다. In particular, computers have a role of very necessary utilities, even which used to function as a book, homework board, or cyber tutor. It is true that computers have a lot of advantages, but many people are concerning about heavy dependence on computers. For this reason, I agree with those who emphasize the importance of going back to teaching basic study skills traditional ways of teaching.
To begin with, it is clear that computers provide very convenient circumstances for school students. so that They can refer to a various >> variety of information through the Internet >> the Internet 할 때 I 는 대문자입니다 and can take lots >> a lot lots는 구어체입니다 of activities regarding to their curriculrm. Meanwhile, For example, teachers post a homework and students submit it as well on the classroom the Internet board of a class, and students submit their homeworks by using e-mail or the Internet web bulletin board. As a result, using a computer helps to save a time, also and both instructors and pupils are able to overcome the limitation of learning resources>> learning resources의 한계를 극복한다는건 위에 내용들과는 다른 내용입니다.
On the other hand, Even though computers have a lot of advantages, we should not ignore their side effects. learners tend to keep away from traditional ways of study. Most students use a computer for searching informatioin rather than books,>> 콤마 빼주세요 and they prefer to use word processor, which is a computer program, programs instead of hand writting. Therefore, It causes negative effects to young students who need more practices for basic reading and writting skills can not >> cannot 은 붙여씁니다 have enough opportunities to train these kinds of basic skills.>> 밑줄 부분 지워주세요 In order to solve these drawbacks due to strong dependency on computers, teachers have to focus on learning basic skills, >> 앞에 콤마 빼주세요 at the same time, >> 접속사가 없는데 두 문장이 이어졌네요 접속사로 해주거나 끊고 부사 넣어서 끝맺어주세요. Therefore, they need to prepare other learning activities which students can handle for themselves without computers.
In conclusioin, it is true that computers have efficiently developed the educational environment efficiently, at the same time students have gotten up-to-date >> 사이에 대쉬 넣어주세요 learning services. In spite of these advantages a better condition of teaching and learning with the modern equipment >> 위에 밑줄을 이렇게 간단히 압축할 수 있겠죠, it is important that sutents learn basic study skills such as reading and writting. Thus, so teachers should try to avoid the dependency on a computer and to increase more classes focusing on basic study above described above.
비슷한 문장들이 많이 쓰였습니다 그래도 본문 구성은 괜찮은 편이긴 했습니다
비슷한 문장과 구조들로 약간의 반복성의 구조들이 중간중간 있었던 점은 좋지 않았습니다 주장이나 설명 등에 어울리지 않는 문장들이 들어갔기도 했구요 위에 표시한 부분들 봐주시길 바랍니다 문법 단어 공부는 필수에요 그리고 하나의 주장만 정해서 하는게 더 좋습니다 서론이 너무 길기도 합니다 서론 본론은 각각 2~3 문장 정도면 됩니다 줄로 따져도 3줄 정도면 충분하구요 실제 시험지 폭은 현재 인터넷 상에서 치는 것보다 좁아서 밑으로 더 길어질겁니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy -5
6.0 예상합니다 |