There are many required skills in modern society. This is because companies want to hire skilled employees, such as those with language skills, engineering skills, time managing skills, computer skills, and teem-work skills and so on. This essay will outline some required skills and present potential reasons.
To begin with, there are many required skills that employees need. For example, computer skills are irreplaceable. People use computers not only to send e-mails but also to hold do conferences. Moreover, time managing skills are also important in such a rapid society. However, I strongly believe that foreign language skills and cooperation skills are the most vital for employees. The world has become globally thus, many companies want to trade with other countries to gain chances to flourish their company. This is why because, they want to hire multilingual employees. It is evident that the employees who can speak foreign languages fluently have more chances to gain a job.
In addition, teamwork skills are also crucial. Many fields are needed to cooperate and collaborate with other fields to help each others to develop their abilities. For example, scientists work with engineers and artists collaborate with engineers. Thus, they have to understand and communicate well with each others. Therefore, someone having cooperation skills can increase productivity of the company as well as brighten at the atmospheres in the work field. This is why companies want to hire the employees having cooperation skills.
Overall, people these days are required to have many different skills. I strongly believe that language skills and cooperation skills are the most important for a companies' development and the atmosphere of the work field ultimately.
Score: 7.5
Comment: 질문에 대한 답이 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 organization에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 한 문단에는 generally required skills를 서술해주시고 그 다음 문단에 글쓴이가 중요하다고 생각하시는 skills에 대해 서술을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 즉, 두 번째 문단에 글쓴이가 생각하시는 중요한 skills를 mention해주시고 하나는 그 문단에 서술 해주시고 다른 하나는 다음 문단에 서술을 해주시는 것 보다는 둘다 다음 문단에 같이 서술을 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 두 번째 문단에 general 한 required skills를 이야기 하시다가 중간에서 부터 글쓴이가 중요하다고 생각하시는 skills를 서술을 해주시면 문단의 흐름이 조금 어색하다고 생각합니다. Topic sentence에서도 마치 generally required skills에 대해 서술을 해주실 것 처럼 써주셔서 그렇기도 합니다. 그 외에는 silly mistakes에 조금 더 신경 써주시기를 바랍니다. 수고 하셨습니다.