▶ Your Answer :
In
some countries, some students choose to take travel for a year between
finishing high school and starting university studies. Some other Another young people
prefer to work than travel. It is a personal decision and it has advantages and
disadvantages each other.
Traveling is popularly popular done by a number of students in some countries in for a year prior
to start university studies. For example, young people visit interesting places in one country such as Bali tour in Indonesia where they can enjoy the
beautiful world and culture cultural in Bali, and Eiffel Tower in Paris where they can
see directly the highest building in the world directly, or other interesting places in
their city. The benefits of this are that they will be more relaxed and they will
get a new experience. Otherwise, the drawbacks of this are that they might lose be
going to be loss information to continue study in the best University, and they
maybe delay their studies in the next year due to exhaustion and financial issues from traveling. caused tired or it is related by
financial.
On
the other hand, some adult young adults people prefer to work. The first reason is to earn get income by themselves, especially for someone who has a low financial
background thinks that work is the best choice, so they can continue their study
in a university. and The second is to get work experience to support their career
in the future because most companies in the world require need work experience before
they recruit an employee to joint in their company. <(너무 많은 내용을 한문장으로 써주실려고 했기 때문에 내용이 오히려 더 헷갈리게 들립니다) However, it also has
downsides, such as usually most learners usually will be lazy and ignore to continue
their studies after working and making get income by themselves.
In
conclusion, both decisions to work or travel to spend their leisure time
between finishing high and starting university study have advantages and
disadvantages. However, if someone wants to focus more on their career more focus on career and they have a low
financial background, it is better to prefer to work than to travel because traveling can be done after success <(what success?), and if they are from high class level of financial, it is
better to do travel before continuing their studies in a university, so they can be
more relaxed.
Score: 5.5 Comment: 장/단점을 잘 전달해주셨지만 질문을 조금 잘못 이해한것 같습니다. Travelling vs. working before starting college 에 대한것이 아니라 gap year에 대한 질문입니다. Gap year에서는 travel or work 을 하기 때문에 이 선택을 하는 것에 대한 장/단점을 묻고 있습니다. 만약에 이 둘을 비교를 해야했다면 discuss가 아닌 compare and contrast 라는 표현이 나왔을 겁니다. 문법상 표현/collocation/어순/시제/전치사/문장구조/word form/phrase form/에 틀리시고 계십니다. 문법에 조금 더 신경을 써주시기를 바랍니다. 문법에 너무 많이 틀리시면 내용이 헷갈리게 들리거나 글쓴이가 전달하고자 하는 내용이 잘 반영이 안됩니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |