It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
Recently, punishment is limited to students and children for their education. Some people say that punishment is crucial to educate good behavior and wrong one. However, I totally disagree with the view for the following reasons before suggesting solutions.
The main reason that supports my view is that punishment is not a proper way that children can learn right and wrong. This is because their mental conditions do not grow up completely and are is immature, which brings up bright effects when teachers and parents educate children through the talk and experiences. In addition, punishment may provide children with trauma, for young memories continue a to long time. If a children is under has physical violence at breakfast time, they will be scared this time and terrible incidents for all days. Punishment may result in destruction of young periods and now.
Instead of punishment, teachers and parents should educate by using visual and audio media because children are sensitive and tend to concentrate more through contents on media concern on this when the media be watched. In household, they learn moral activities, communicating with their parents and they should reduce time watching television and playing computer games. In kindergartens, they obtain society experience with teachers and friends through a lot of programmes. (파란 부분의 경우 ~배운다가 아닌, ~배워야 한다/가르쳐야 한다 쪽으로 수정해주셔야 합니다.)
To conclude, I can assume that punishment is not suitable for children, modern societies due to the fact that except for punishment, there are a wide range of education ways other than punishment, and punishment may lead consider physical violence and trauma. Therefore, we (주체는 우리가 아니라 부모/선생입니다. 이것도 tr에 영향을 주므로 주의해주세요!) should respect children and use various ways such as viual media, social activities.
총평: (6/6/7/6) 6.5
두 파란 부분은 논제 반영의 측면에서 100% 정확하다고 볼 수는 없기 때문에 주의해주셔야 합니다. 특히 주체와 관련해서, 간혹 논제가 요구하는 바와 벗어나는 경우가 있으므로 체크를 잘 해주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)