Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries, but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly seen that revenue from tourism account
for the biggest parts of total amount in a country per year. However, some people
say that tourism has more more have drawbacks than benefits. I strongly agree with this opinion (다행히도 이번 글은 잘 되었네요!) as I think that drawbacks of tourism are greater than benefits of it.
First of all, visit of tourists are likely to
ruin the natural environment. These days, government and many local
institutions aim to earn 등 money from travelers so that they attract tourism industries
in various of fields like accommodation, lesiure sports and so on (구어에 가까운 표현이라 사용하지 않는 게 낫습니다.). In addition,
they build the facilities for tourists in forests, or in front of seas even on the
top of a mountain in order to give a nice view. Due to this excessive
construction, natural areas as well as wildlife habitats are spoiled and destroyed spoil and destroy. Moreover,
the garbage thrown throwed from travelers lead to contamination contaminate. For example, a village in
the Philippines, the region experienced to close experienced a close during a few months because, visitors
induced a substantial amount of rubbish. (보라카이라고 구체적으로 적어주시는 게 낫습니다.)
Secondly, the influx of visitors occurs causes a
negative effect to a locals. In many countries, there are a lot of special cultures
like customs and eating habits. People who inhabit the local should protect their
own culture through a continuous attention. However, if travelers who have
their countries’
culture are more and more increase to government or local companies’ profit, (여기는 댓글 주세요!) residents
lose local tradition or habit. Furthermore, a great deal of wear and tear on
cultural heritage owing to vandalism and graffiti on cultural facilities. (여기는 비문인데, 아마 윗 문장과는 달리 한국어로 바꿔보시고 다시 읽어보시면 스스로 고치실 수 있을 겁니다. 고친 결과물을 댓글로 주시고, 혹시 모르시겠다면 말씀해주세요~)
In conclusion, tourism drive a local or country
at risk. Thus, it should not be a major source of income. (여기는 너무 나갔고, 그냥 윗 본론의 근거를 조금 더 구체적으로 요약해주세요~)
총평: (6/6/7/5) 6.0
잘 느끼고 계실지 모르겠지만, 문법은 조금씩 좋아지고 있습니다. 그러니까 지금처럼만 꾸준히 공부해주세요! (문법은 따로 시간내서 공부하고 계시리라 믿습니다.)
TR도 사실 결론만 아니었으면 7점도 가능했을 법 합니다. 특히 결론을 작성하면서 많은 수험생들이 신나서 스스로 논제의 사항을 확대하곤 하는데, 그래서는 안 됩니다. 여기도 major 관련 내용은 논제와 아무런 연관이 없으니까 빼주시고, 철저히 본론 요약에 초점을 두어주세요! 시험장에서는 논제가 슈퍼 갑이고, 수험생은 을, 병도 아니라 정 정도의 위치에 있습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
총 글자수:274자
총 소요시간:50분