▶ Your Answer :
It is arguable that normally managers earn normally more money than the other
workers in a company. It is accepted in most of work places in modern society.
But >> but and also so or 는 문두에 쓰지 않는 접속사입니다 However, 를 써주세요 some people assert that it is unfair for simple workers. Personally, I tend
to believe that paying salaries as the level of status in a company has no problem. I
will explain both opinions and my detailed view.
Many people accept it naturally
that directors or managers are given more salary than normal workers. A number
of companies have a system called promotion. Directors are people who have been
promoted because they work longer time than others and have more experiences.
For this reason, it seems understandable that they are paid higher salaries
than unskilled workers.
However, some people consider it as an improper regulation. They
think that they should be equally treated equally as directors because they work the same
amount of time or even more, and contribute lots of >> lots of 는 구어체에서 쓰입니다 a lot of 라고 해주세요 parts for their company.
These are the reason why higher salary for managers is unacceptable for them.
As I mentioned before, I
would argue that it is fair to pay wages as status of workers. Although it
seems that simple workers do the same amount of work as directors, we cannot ignore
their career. As directors are able to teach or manage workers with their
experience, they can work more efficiently. It is applied for every worker, so simple
workers will also earn more money which is proper to their career as they are
promoted. If there is not promotion and salary increase, workers would if 절의 동사가 현재면 주절의 조동사도 현재가 와야 합니다 will lose
their desire to make career. >> 이런 내용의 흐름은 결론 쪽에 가깝습니다
In conclusion, it is
necessary to have a system for discriminating salaries to encourage workers and compensate
for long-term and experienced workers. >> 어떻게 해석할 지 모르겠습니다
우선 본론 부분이 짧아서 충분히 뒷받침을 못한다고 생각됩니다 또한 비슷한 말들이 반복되며 비슷한 문법들이 반복됩니다 내용의 일관성이 아닌 구조의 일관성을 주게 되어서 좋지 않습니다 글이 지루해질 수 있습니다 위에 말씀드린 부분들 봐주시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |