▶ Your Answer :
It is irrefutable that enormous people are
struggling with living healthy >> to live healthy life. In this essay, reasons as well as
countermeasures will be illustrated.
Two prime reasons associated with unhealthy
life in mankind are found. Firstly, obesity is the main cause of disrupting
healthy life. >> 문두에 because를 바로 쓰지 않습니다 It is because 정도로 써주세요 Because current society demands people to work or to study excessively,
they have less time to prepare nutritious meals for themselves. Moreover, as
the development of delivery and transport system, citizens are able to access
to fast food with no effort. Secondly, humans’ lack of exercising time in daily routine is fairly influential. To
be specific, more and more people are shown to be addicted to playing computer
games or watching television rather than doing exercises in order to reduce
their body fat. As a result, this living style has a detrimental impact on their
body. Hence, great deals of people >> great deal of 는 셀 수 없는 명사에 붙습니다 plenty of 정도라고 해주세요 have become unhealthier than people live decades ago.
There are several actions that each
individuals could take to solve the problems described above. First of all, healthy eating
healthy habits>> healthy가 중간에 들어가면 건강한 습관을 먹는 것이라는 뜻이 됩니다 reduce the dangers of being overweighted. For example, instead of
eating hamburger, which is full of salty, sugar, and fatty foods, people should
eat healthier food like such as vegetable salads. Second of all, a regularly working out can change
people’s lifestyle since exercises
such as running, push-up, and weight training are able to burn out one’s calories, strengthen muscles, and even improve basic
metabolic rate. Therefore, healthy diets and well-regulated exercises transform
people’s body as well as lifestyle.
To recapitulate, various
measures can be taken to tackle the problems that having difficulties in living
healthily.
문법에서 오류들이 좀 있었고 문장 구성에서도 좀 있었네요 전체적인 내용은 그래도 테스크를 잘 뒷받침 합니다 문장 구조에선 서론에 두개가 있다 하고 본론에 첫번째 이런 식으로 바로 들어가는게 좋겠습니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 예상합니다 |