▶ Your Answer :
With the progress of human civilization,
the world is becoming similar. People are now able to buy anything they want,
even though it is far from where they live. In my opinion, there are both
positive and negative sides.
On the one hand, the influence on countries
because of no-barrier products is at risk. '비과세상품 때문에 국가에 미치는 영향이 위험하다'로 해석돼서 문장이 어색해요. 전하려는 내용에 맞게 수정해주세요. Firstly, countries are exposed to the danger of losing lose their own culture. A good example of this is clothes. As cloth brands like
Nike and Adidas are getting popular, people are less likely to wear their
traditional clothes and this may cause to lose their own color. 나이키나 아디다스가 유행해서 전통의상이 인기가 없어졌다고 생각하는 건 너무 비약적이에요. Another
negative aspect is that global companies might be a threat to the local
companies. This is because international companies usually have enormous
resources like money, materials and creative workers which make them to provide
cheap but good quality products to customers. 글로벌기업이 어떤 비결로 잘 성장하고 있는지에 대한 내용은 불필요해요. 글로벌기업이 local companies를 어떻게 위협하게 되는지, 이게 왜 negative impact인지를 설명해주세요.
On the other hand, it is true that this
trend has helped our society to be close and more convenient. As they start to
have the same interest in some products, people get more opportunities to be
close to each other and share their information. For instance, people desire to
possess up-to-date gadgets such as mobile phones and computers. This desire
encourages them to interchange their information. In addition, international
companies provide worldwide services on their products and this gives us great
convenience. We do not have to worry about the expensive shipping fees or the
lack of materials unlike before. '전세계적으로 쉽게 같은 물건을 구입할 수 있어서 사람들이 비슷해지는 것' 자체가 주제이기 때문에 물건을 어떻게 쉽게 구입할 수 있고 왜 편리한지를 설명하는 건 off-topic입니다.
For the reasons mentioned above, I think
that countries’ similarity caused by possessing the same products has benefits
and drawbacks.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 6 competent user
다양한 단어를 사용해서 문장을 매끄럽게 잘 구성한 점이 좋았습니다. 하지만 논리 면에서 비약적인 부분이나 논점을 벗어난 부분은 감점요인이 될 것 같아요. 질문 내용을 계속 주지하면서 내용을 전개해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현
- GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성
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