▶ Your Answer :
The given graph illustrates the rates of
standard monthly temperature, and the table depicts the number of hours of expose to the sunshine on a year in three different cities.
In brief, what stands out from the graph is
that, there are significant upward trends in Sydney, while the London and New York
saw a considerable downward trends over the period. 시간에 따른 증감추이가 아니라 1년 동안 온도변화를 나타낸 표이므로 증가추세/감소추세 표현은 부적절합니다. 런던과 뉴욕은 여름에 기온이 높은 편이고 시드니는 그와 반대임을 설명하는 게 더 적절해요. In addition, the majority hours
of sunshine is disclosed in New York, and London was the least exposed to the
sun.
In more detail, the highest temperature was
in of Sydney was with over 26 degree in January and it rapidly diminished down to 15
degree in July. In the following month, it gradually began to increase up to 25
degree in December. However, On the other hand, New York and London had a similar patterns over 12
months, all remaining at between 4 to 8 degree in January. After that month months,
the temperature of New York peaked to approximately 29 degree in July, and then
it reached to the lowest temperature with 5 degree in December. 1월에 5도 이하로 내려가니까 the lowest라는 표현은 부적절해요. In addition,
the temperature of London continually went up to 23 degree in until July, and the temperature
suddenly decreased to over 9 degree in December.
On the other hand, In terms of sunshine, the longest annual hours
of sunlight were was exposed at New York with 2,535 hours. Furthermore, the total of
hours at Sydney were was slightly lower than the figure of New York with 2,473
hours, whereas the London was exposed to disclosed on sunlight of 1180 hours.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 6 competent user
1년 사이의 온도변화 추이를 나타낸 표니까 증가, 감소보다는 있는그대로 내용을 서술해주는 편이 좋을 것 같아요. 몇 가지 어색한 표현이나 문법오류 체크해주세요. 자료 특성에 맞는 표현 사용에 더 신경써주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다~! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성 |