Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?
Nowadays, majority of people argue that essential services such as education and healthcare should be free and supported by the government. In my point of view, government’s assistance would be necessary and it has more advantages to society.
Everyone
in all social class can obtain same benefits of medical welfare service since
every citizens do have rights to get equal treatment and should not be stressed
about their medical care. To illustrate an example, in Korea, every hospital is
run by the government of Korea. Everyone is welcome to visit clinics and gets a
medical check up regularly to maintain their health with low costs of insurance
system supported by the government. Although access to comfortable personal
treatment is one of advantages to private healthcare, health is a basic human
needs so that medical service is supposed to be provided equally to all
citizens. (여기가 예시 이전에 와야합니다.)
In
addition, complementary education policy by the government should be necessary in
order secure the development of the nation and society to national and society development. People can improve quality of their lives,
have confident for better life through education. In this regard, everyone
should have free education support until high school, which encourages young students
to set their future goal. As for higher education, individuals should pay for college
and university to obtain advanced educational opportunities such as professional
academic studies or skilled experiment. It should be optional depending on
their situation.
In conclusion, since everyone has rights to get equal healthcare and educational service, it needs to be funded by the government. Only for higher education, students should be responsible to pay for advanced educational chances.
총평: 이전 글보다는 깔끔하긴 한데, 서론의 파란 부분과 후반부의 파란 부분이 여전히 충돌은 합니다. 둘 중 하나로 깔끔하게 통일해주셔야 하는데, 이미 다 작성한 경우에서 수정할 거면 조금 손이 덜 가는 서론 쪽을 바꾸는 게 좋지만, 만약에 글의 시작부터 바꿀 것이었으면, 한 우물만 판다 (=무조건 정부의 지원이 필수이다) 는 의미를 반영하기 위해 서론 쪽을 '기준으로 두고' 후반부를 이에 맞추는 것이 좋았겠죠. 뭐가 됐든 상관은 없지만, 여튼 꼭 통일은 시켜주세요~이게 CC영역에서의 핵심이 됩니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
지난번에 같은걸로 올렸었는데 입장 하나만 다루라고 조언해주셔서 다시 작성해 보았습니다..
education 이랑 healthcare를 하나로 묶어서 작성하려하니 꽤 힘드네요 ㅠㅠ
조언부탁드립니다!