▶ Your Answer : There is no doubt that human beings are responsible for loss of the natural environment,>> 콤마 빼주시구요 such as overhunting, deforestation, development of industry, and increasing pollution which causing global warming. To reduce these negative effects on the ecosystem, some actions should be taken by individuals and by governments. As the polulation of the world has grown, humans have taken too much resources from nature, like>> 앞에 콤마 빼주시고 such as 가 더욱 좋습니다 food, habitat, and so on. People overhunt too much more than the legal extent for various reasons, so many wild species are endangered. Eventually, some of them have already become extinct. As a result, the ecosystem has been ruined and people are suffering >> from what?. The ruined ecosystem causes the demise of some speices. >> furthermore는 문장을 이어주는 기능이 없는 부사입니다 Furthermore, the need for agricultural lands leads to desforestation and some developed industries results in the increasing pollution. To prevent from being destroyed our society and the ecosystem, the efforts should be made through international organizations and each country also should take measures. For example, setting strict regulations to stop the activities like such as overhunting, deforestation, etc >> etc도 준말입니다 and so forth도 있습니다. can be one of the solutions. In addition, one of the main reasons of pollution is the traffic. >> 역시 부사로 문장을 이어줄 수 없습니다 Therefore, governments should encourage people to use public transport. Taking the transportation for commuting, which can reduce the traffic and pollution as well as replace fossilfuel as renewable energy from natural resources, like water, wind, and solar energy. >> 문장에 동사가 없습니다 보시다시피 하나에서 오류가 나면 연쇄적으로 일어나는 문법 오류 상황이 발생합니다 In conclusion, I think that these human activities, which eventually lead to demolition, >> 중간에 which절로 수식이 들어가면 콤마로 나눠주세요 should be dealt with awareness of fatal impacts on the environment. And also >> and or also but so 는 문두에 쓰지 않습니다, governments should ensure that people exploit the nature with respect,>> 콤마 빼주세요 and avoid activities that harm wildlife. 보통 분들이 틀리는 부분을 안 틀리고 굉장히 기본적인 실수들을 많이 하셨습니다 접속사와 콤마 등에 주의해주시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 6.0 예상합니다 |