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> 2014-03-22 16:35:53, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
Nowadays, there is no need for museums and art galleries anymore. Since everything is accessible through internet, people can find any historic facts there. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons and examples from your personal knowledge.
Both the internet and museums have great resources for education, research, >> 세개 이상 나열의 마지막 and 앞엔 콤마가 붙습니다 and cultural exchange. However, the information on the internet has certain serious limitations and it can never match or replace museums.
To start with, the materials available on the internet are in digital form and cannot be touched>> 주장은 최대한 간결한 것이 좋습니다 the resources from the Internet are intangible. Whereas, museums have real >> 조금이나마 더 고급 어휘로 바꿔드리면 앞과 대조되는 visible 이 좋겠습니다 objects, >> 접속사가 아닌 관계대명사로서의 that은 콤마 다음에 쓸 수 없습니다 that are more useful for students and researchers for education and cultural exchange >> 엄연히 말하자면 과학자들에게 문화교류가 좋다기보단 과학적 연구 자료로서 좋죠. For example, in a historical museum, a visitor is able to see the real pieces of ancient materials like such as 가 더 좋습니다 coins, artefacts, and manuxxxxscripts, which are much more useful and interesting than mere digital images. Similarly, visitors can have a direct experience from the real objects of culture, whereas digitally available images are not reliable or tangible.
Furthermore, it is difficult to find out where information is available on the internet because it is poorly organised. Moreover, it is extremely difficult to choose the right information from the vast ocean of resources. In contrast, a museum is systematically arranged and reliable. For instance, in a science museum, inventions are chronologically arranged, therefore, >> 부사는 문장을 이어주는 기능이 없습니다 so 를 써주세요 visitors can have a clear idea about them.
On the other hand, resources available on the internet are also very useful,>> 콤마 빼주세요 in terms of their availability from different parts of the world. However, it can only act as an addition to museums and can never match them.>> 그저 서론과 앞에 본론에서 나온 얘기를 반복하고 있단 느낌만 듭니다 또한 한 문단을 내주기에도 불충분하며 총 문단은 총 네개면 충분합니다
In conclusion, museums will definitely continue to have a unique role in preserving information for future generations. They cannot be replaced by the online information available on the internet.
단어 선택과 콤마의 사용이 가장 크게 보인 오류라고 생각됩니다
쉽게 표현할 수 있는 부분도 단어가 아직 미숙한 부분이 있어서 풀어서 쓰는 부분도 많습니다
internet 이 아닌 Internet 입니다 본론 부분도 충분한 설명이 없이 짧고 구조도 너무 짧은 부분도 있어 감점을 드립니다
조금만 손보시면 6.0은 충분한 글이 될거라고 확신합니다
Task Achievement - 6
Coherence and Cohesion - 5
Lexical Resource - 5
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5 예상합니다