▶ Your Answer :
These days,
over the world, there is a common phenomenon as people who received well-education
cannot seek their job. This is a big problem to society as well as to young people
themselves. I will discuss the reasons or factors below.
First of all, in a macro
perspective, the main problem is derived from the international economy system in the
world, so called neo-liberalism. In the case of Korea, through experiencing
severe hard time in economic situations in the late 1990s, the main ideas of
neo-liberalism was introduced into all of departments in Korea.>> 어떤 department죠? 세상엔 department로 나눌 수 있는 부분이 수백가지에 달합ㄴ디ㅏ Thus, above all,
the security or stability of job conditions were weakened very much, especially in
young generations. In neo-liberalism system, most of companies usually employed a
at least number of new employees. Besides, companies can easily fire employees,
so employees have to work hard even at late night and do not have other choices
for escaping that pressure.>> 무슨 말인지 제대로 연결이 안 됩니다 문법이나 작문에서 스타일 오류나 구조 오류들이 있어 글의 내용을 이해하는 것에 더욱 방해를 줍니다 또한 본문은 1990년대 과거 이야기이므로 그때 상황을 설명한다면 과거 시제로 해주시는게 좋습니다
Secondly,
another important reason is that there is no decent >> 뒤 근거에 포함되는 형용사가 아닐 듯 싶습니다 job of the present time.
The gap between high quality jobs and low quality jobs is extreme.
Unfortunately, the number of high quality jobs is small in Korea. According to
a report, highly qualified students who are never being before generation >> ?? such
as having good language skills, computer literacy,>> 세개 이상 나열에서 마지막 and 앞에 콤마 넣어주세요 and so on, are full in Korea.
They invested themselves a lot of money and time, so if they enter the SMEs,
they do cannot >> if 절 주절 동사와 조동사 시제 맞춰주세요 not be satisfied with them for long time. In the end, they stop working with
SMEs and try to enter conglomerates again for >> during 과 for의 차이가 있습니다 명확한 시간(for)과 애매한 시간(축제기간 등)의 차이입니다 about one year. This is a very
inefficiency phenomenon to the society.
I believe that
one of good alternatives is establishing some regulations or new laws to
support young generation. There is imbalance power between companies and young
generations. In other worlds, the contemporary systems tend to be pro-business,
so we need to correct the power of balance. Unemployment in highly qualified
graduates in Korea of today is not just individual problems. We have to solve
this problem on the whole perspective, participating governments, business, and
diverse entities in society.
본문 부분에선 완전히 막혀버렸습니다 어떤 말씀을 하는지 이해될 듯 싶으면 문법에서 끊기고 수동 능동태가 제대로 안 되고 스펠링도 틀리고 등등 오류가 많아 이해하기 힘들었습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.0 예상합니다 |