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The chart provides >> chart가 문제에서 주어지면 graph라고 주어를 바꿔줘야 합니다 또한 3개를 나타내서 복수이므로 graphs provide 입니다 information on consuming the amount of money on
six sorts of services such as two types of>>정확히 명시해주세요 education, transportation, health, environmental
services, and other by local authorities in Someland from 1980 to 2000.
At first glance, it is clear that the municipalities spent the
largest amount of money on educations with over 50 percentage in the three of
tables different years >> 뒤에 콤마 없애주세요 (60%, 65%, and 58% respectively), >> 여기에 콤마가 들어가야 합니다 which was approximately four times as
much as the figure in the transportation, although >> 문장이 너무 질질 끌어집니다 끊어주세요 . However, the k-12 education the overall
trend of the k-12 education remained downward for all given period >> 위치가 별로인 듯 싶네요 앞에 which was 부분을 빼고 이걸 넣어주고 그 다음에 따로 Transportation 끼리 묶어서 설명하는게 좋겠습니다. In addition, In transportation,
which compare between 1980 and 1990, it was different 10 percent >> there was a 10 per cent gap between 1980 and 1990. For a decade
after in 2000, the proportion of it reached its peaked, accounting for 22 percent, which was showed
the biggest fluctuate in six services, illustrating a gap at around 15 percent,
>> 또 문장이 늘어집니다 . While In terms of the ratios of features in health and human resources, they were in contrast with indicated as an opposite trend against
transportation. Local authorities spent invested on health and human resources them especially
in 1990 more than other years.
To sum up, according to the graph, the trend of almost all services
did not alter for 30 years >> 무슨 말이죠?.
아래에서 말씀드린 것과 같이 아직 표현에서 부족하거나 미숙한 부분들이 보입니다 문법 공부를 더 하시길 추천드리고 오버뷰와 디테일을 써보시길 바랍니다 수치를 표시하지 않고 대략적인 그림을 설명하는 오버뷰와 수치를 표시해가면서 좀 더 디테일한 모습을 보이는 글이 더 좋습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다
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